LOWAG

Head and the Heart concert

2011-09-24T16:37:00.000-05:00

One running generality of my concertgoing experience in DC is that the audiences are generally tepid and flat, more interested in texting to their friends that they are at a concert than they are in getting into the music. So, while the perfomances are often ace, there is not much from the audience to feed off of. In some cases, it's because no one knows the music very well (British Sea Power, Camera Obscura). In the National's case, I have no idea. Everyone seemed to know their stuff, but they only really got into it on Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks.

Last night's Head and the Heart concert...good heavens, it was like a Dashboard Confessional concert circa 2005. All stereotypes of the "DC crowd" have been shattered. The 9:30 club was packed to the gills, and when Head and the Heart came out, huge cheers, from the opening notes, people began grooving, and then, shockingly, the entire audience sang loudly along to every song on the album. For the three new songs, everyone shut up and listened intently.

And it's understandable why. THATH killed. Incredibly, the vocals and harmonies were more impressive than on the album. The energy level was off the charts. I'm pretty sure that grown men cried during Josh McBride, one of the new songs. (Not me, obviously. I have no tear ducts.) Speaking of the new songs, I'm thinking of the last time that I have liked every new song that I've heard from a band and I'm coming up empty meaning that THATH are on a Cal Ripken kind of run at history.

Although the entire concert was a highlight, I would have to say that Lost in My Mind, Rivers and Roads, and Josh McBride were the highlights of the highlights. And THATH seemed pretty gracious about the outpouring of love for them. Charity, in particular, seemed like she was overwhelmed and seemed on the verge of crying. That just added to the greatness of the concert.

I'm going to tentatively say that it was the best concert I've seen in DC. BSP may have matched the energy, but the crowd at THATH pushed it over the top.

And here's a video of Josh McBride in it's awesomeness from somewhere in Austin, TX

Get More: The Head and The Heart, The Head and The Heart Music Videos, Live Performances

A conversation you never want to have

2011-09-23T16:13:00.001-05:00

Me: *observing bandage and gauze on your arm* Oh, what happened to you? Cut yourself?

You: No, I had a mole removed...

Me: *in mind* oh gosh, they are one of those mole people. I bet they are covered with moles I can't see. I bet they have one that looks like a stovetop hat on their back. Who talks about their moles? *out loud* uh, did that hurt?

You: Well, not the first time. They had to cut out more the second time.

Me: *in mind* sweet mercy, the second time? How big was it? And I thought I knew this person! *out loud* oh

You: yeah, it was fast growing. Not cancerous. Just fast growing. They dont know biologically why it was growing so fast. But not cancerous. The doctor compared it to the kind of moles old Russian women have that cover one side of their face.

Me: *in mind* I think I'm going to throw up. I'm never touching this person. Who talks about their moles? I've never had a conversation about moles! What am I supposed to say? *out loud* God speed.

You: You should get your moles checked. That one looks weird.

Now reverse You and Me and you can see why my conversations with people this week have been a little...brief.

Countdowns, boils, and enemas...YIKES!

2011-09-11T20:41:00.000-05:00

Why does it keep being a stinking payroll tax cut? Of all the taxes to cut, don't freaking cut payroll taxes! Them's what pay the Social Security and the Medicare and the Unemployment Insurance and the like. You know, the budgetary ticking time bombs. Every time you do that, it's like when an inept hero attempts to dismantle a bomb, but accidentally accelerates the countdown.

(Maybe accelerating the countdown is good. The sooner Social Security and Medicare go bust, the sooner they get fixed, and the more likely it happens before I retire. Maybe this is the greatest political gamble of all time! President Obama is bringing the crisis to a head sooner so that the baby boomers have to face it head on, because we know that they don't give a flying deuce about their children. It's the political equivalent of putting a hot coke bottle over a boil so that it draws the core to the surface and then...blam! It breaks the skin and pings at the end of the coke bottle. My grandpa told me that story. He also told me about his mother administering enemas to him. I don't think he was more animated than when he told the enema story. He also taught me never to hire a man who wears overalls or a man who smokes a pipe; the former is lazy and the latter is a dreamer.)

Every time these blasted budget discussions come up and the answer inevitably is to increase spending and reduce taxes (everyone wins!), I get gloomier and start yelling things like "Down with the mortgage interest deduction!" You tea partiers want more than 47 percent of people to pay federal taxes? You Democrats want to increase revenues? Then revoke the mortgage interest deduction. That nails the middle class, deincentivizes reckless home buying, and doesn't really hit the poor too bad. (Poor home owners are typically the elderly who own their homes outright.) It's just as absurd as farm subsidies and whatnot. (I can easily say this because I do not own a house. Get me a house and I'll tell the politicians to grind the face of the poor before eliminating my entitlement to mortgage interest deductions. And I'll make sure to say it in all caps, and then end my comment with "IT'S IN THE CONSTITUTION, SHEEPLE!")

Execute the buck

2011-09-11T19:57:00.001-05:00

Scene: Last night, 10:30, watching Seinfeld to laugh away the BYU loss

Christina: Why did you get mad during the BYU game?

Me: *after some thoughtful soul searching and some meandering explanations* I think it comes down to the frustration of watching the team being on the cusp, but then having the coaches tone everything down. They basically told the team with 1:47 left in the first half that they weren't playing to win, but were playing to hold on to their fragile 13-3 lead. The play calling became increasingly conservative on both offense and defense. Runs up the middle every first down with DiLuigi. No misdirection. No screens, no variation. Pass plays were all short routes. Defense in the second half rarely rushed more than four or stacked the box when the running QB was in. No attempt to blitz and rattle the confidence of the backup Texas QBs. And, what's more frustrating, is that the coaches will blame the players by saying that they didn't "execute" the gameplan.

Scene: The next day.

Deseret News. Dick Harmon "analyzing" the game. Article title: What BYU Had Here Was a Failure to Execute.

Quoting from the beginning:

Play calls? Need to execute.Cougar breakdowns on critical Texas drives? Need to execute.
An offense that struggles to score touchdowns? Need to execute.
It was a talking parrot convention.
"It was failure to execute at critical times," said BYU head coach Bronco Mendenhall.
"We didn't execute like we're capable," said quarterback Jake Heaps.
"It was just not doing small things that cost us execution," said senior offensive tackle Matt Reynolds.
"We didn't execute," said Spencer Hadley.
"If we executed like we are capable, we would have won," said safety Travis Uale.

Am I surprised that Harmon chooses this angle and runs with it, without questioning the coaches? Of course not! Harmon is a suck-up who doesn't want to ruffle the feathers of BYU coaches so that he gets invited to go golfing with them, or go to their booster events, etc. He's not going to go after Doman or Mendenhall for failing to make any meaningful change in the second half to kill Texas's momentum.

At least there was one staff writer at the Deseret News who had the guts to challenge the coaches. I'm not sure who Dan Rasmussen is, but I imagine he gets paid a pittance of what Dick Harmon makes for hanging out with the coaches on the golf course. He wrote:

"BYU’s offense looked fairly decent throughout the first half under new offensive coordinator Brandon Doman, but the Cougars got extraordinarily conservative in the second half. Doman didn’t open up the offense at all after halftime until it was too late. In the second half, Heaps didn’t throw one ball down the field once until he chucked an interception on a desperation long ball to Ross Apo. All in all, it was a poor performance from BYU’s new coordinator."

One of the reasons I like watching college football is the fallibility of the players: because they are young, even the best ones are going to make crippling mental and physical mistakes that bring a sense of chaos to the field. So, after a loss, it's not much fun to sit there and yell at the players on your favorite team because, of course, someone at some point is going to blow something. But I don't have as much of a problem of pointing out that the self-proclaimed molders of men are letting their boys take the fall instead of protecting them. That doesn't seem right at all. And that is why I am mad.

(If you think this post sucked, it's because my imagination failed to execute the plan properly. The topic and the outline was brilliant.)

My Thoughts About the National Concert at Merriweather or I Need a Bootleg

2011-09-08T21:01:00.000-05:00

There is no greater disconnect between a band's recordings and their live performance than that of the National. An overstatement? I think not. The National recordings would not be effective in a pre-game locker room to pump up the boys, nor would they something you turn on when driving down a lonesome highway at 2:00 AM to fend off sleep. Naturally, I expected a somewhat sedate concert, more along the lines of a symphony than a BSP cacophony.

I (and I think the rest of the crowd) was taken aback by the fierceness of the concert. The guitars squalled, the bass hammered, the lead singer screamed, it was a legit rock concert. I'm pretty sure the crowd was not expecting this because there were only about four guys on the front row who were acting like it was a rock concert. You could have imported a bunch of MXPX fans and they would have had a great time. After the concert, I went home and turned on Squalor Victoria thinking, "How did I miss that awesome double guitar attack at the end of the song when I was listening to it?" Turns out that the double guitar attack does not exist on the recording. If there ever was a justification for an official live album, this is it.

This enters the National into the "My perception of the band is permanently altered because of how great they are live" pantheon with My Morning Jacket and Wilco. I think the National is now sitting at the top of that list.

Individual notes from the concert:

Matt's voice was perfect. On-key, never missed a note, and they had the mix perfect so that his voice really stood out. Incredible. Even when he was drunk off his can.

The National were way less serious than I expected. Joking around, acting like they actually like each other, Matt even made fun of the lyrics of Sorrow after they finished performing saying: "If you think about it, those lyrics are pretty funny" then sang a couple of lines and laughed. They even shook hands with the four guys at the front who were jumping and singing the whole time, meaning that they actually noticed the audience. I have been front row for a few bands and no one ever recognizes "Hey, you guys must be huge fans, let's shake hands."

The finale was an acoustic singalong of Vandelyle Crybaby Geeks which might be the coolest singalong I've been a part of. (Better than U2, Pride, 2001, SLC? Hard to say. This was more than just the whole audience singing "Oh oh oh oh oh oh" This was the whole audience singing every lyric with Matt stumbling around drunk.) (Christina recorded the video.)

Bloodbuzz killed because, well, it's Bloodbuzz.

I really need a bootleg of this show. If anyone happens to stumble across one, please let me know.

An Incident on the Boise River

2011-08-22T22:41:00.000-05:00

Setting: The Boise River. The heart of Boise.

Doug: *reading sign* "There is nothing scary about this river. You float on it. It's about 3 feet deep. A suckling child could navigate this waterway." OK kids, despite never operating a blow-up raft with three small children, everyone put on your lifejackets and hop on in! I am exuding misplaced confidence in my abilities right now.

Kids: Hooray! Let's float on this placid river and eat goldfish and never worry about a thing.

(ten minutes later, raft is stuck sideways on a rock in the river)

Kids: We're stuck forever! We're all going to die in the raft!

Doug: How the devil did I get our raft stuck on a rock in the placid Boise River?? (gets out of boat and pushes raft off rock, but is suddenly wary about the river)

(an hour and a half later)

Kids: What happened to the rest of the family? Why are we paddling constantly when they were just floating?

Doug: (grim-faced) I don't trust the river. Beneath the river beats a heart of darkness.

Kids: Look, another raft!

(The raft comes upon another raft of three twentysomething women floating and occasionally paddling. They are drifting to the right side of the river.)

Doug: Stick to the middle Dave. Stick to the middle.

BOOM!! The other raft drifts into the foliage on the right side, hits a protruding tree, and wraps itself around the tree. Two women are tossed into the river and start drifting away. The other is stuck on the tree. There is screaming to "MOVE TO THE BANK!" Debris from the raft is floating in the river.

Kids: AUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!

Doug: Let's go help them! (starts paddling, spins the raft in circles, makes no progress back towards crash). Uh, let's at least save their paddle and sandals that are floating in the current next to our boat.

Kids: AUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!

Doug: They'll be all right. *in brain* Uh oh, how in the world am going to pull three kids out of the drink when I inevitably wreck this thing?

After another 30 minutes of nervous-paddling and various encouragements from the kids to "not hit the trees on the side of the river so as not to kill ourselves," we successfully beach the raft at the exit point.

Moral of the story: When you are doing something for the first time, everything seems dramatic.

Whitewater

2011-08-21T20:07:00.000-05:00

I whitewater rafted the mighty Peyette north of Boise. First time doing so. Also first time leaping from a rock outcropping into a river. It was awesome.

Something people don't mention about why the Giants offense stinks

2011-07-20T21:10:00.000-05:00

I was looking at ESPN.com today and noticed that, according to the website, the Giants player with the higher batting average is .242. Of course, that's absurd. Pablo Sandoval has an average floating around .300 right now. But ESPN was listing the player with the highest batting average on the team who has enough plate appearances to qualify for consideration for the batting title. According to official stats, a player needs to have 3.1 plate appearances for each game the team has played to qualify for the batting title. According to this measure, the Giants only have two players who qualify for the batting title: Tejada and Aubrey Huff (who is hitting a miserable .232).

This seemed pretty low, so I decided to compare to other teams in MLB. The problem is that the AL has the DH, which means that one player is receiving most of the plate appearances for that slot in the lineup while the NL has plate appearances divied out among the five starting pitchers. So, you could subtract out one qualifying player from AL teams to make them equal to NL teams. After doing that, there is only one other team as pathetic as the Giants and that is the Minnesota Twins. Every other team has at least four players who qualify for the batting title.

There are some issues that might explain why the Giants have so few players receiving enough plate appearances to qualify. One is that the whole offense is bad so players have fewer plate appearances. Another is that Bruce Bochy makes ample use of his bench and platoons players a lot because the team isn't that good. Both of these are good reasons (the latter is probably the reason why Nate Schierholtz doesn't qualify as he platooned a lot up until lately). But, I think the real reason is that the Giants have been beset by injuries and no one really talks about it. Buster Posey and Freddy Sanchez are out indefinitely. Cody Ross, Andres Torres, and Pablo Sandoval all have missed at least 20 games this season with leg injuries. Mark DeRosa has been out with a wrist injury. Bill Hall was brought in to replace Freddy Sanchez and got hurt immediately. Oh, and Mike Fontenot has been out a number of games as well. This is compounded by their top prospect, Brandon Belt, having a wrist injury for about 6 weeks or so.

The Posey and Sanchez injuries are particular tough because they were both hitting in the .280s at the top of the order. (I know, batting average isn't the best measure. They are fifth and seventh on the team in OPS.) It's not that the Giants were built with a bad offense. It's more that they have been savaged by injuries. Thankfully, the Giants have incredible pitching again this year to buoy the team which is why they are 15 games over .500. (Although, it is fun for ESPN and SI to just say, "The Giants offense stinks!" without mentioning that it's because half their lineup should be playing for the AAA Fresno Grizzlies.)

Private innovation is great until it kills what you love

2011-07-12T21:45:00.000-05:00

Dear Netflix:

I hate you. You sent me an email saying that instead of letting me enjoy my "One DVD by mail, unlimited by stream plan for $9.99" in perpetuity, you are now charging separately for the mail service and the streaming service, effectively increasing my bill by 50 percent. 50 percent!! I know, you're getting so big that you are now obsessed with profits instead of providing an awesome service for cheap (which is the sole reason that we signed up with you in the first place). Way to follow in the same footsteps of Emusic and Lala who both decided to go away from their core services (Emusic=cheap, obscure indie music, Lala=Trading CDs) to try and get more profits. And you know what? I cancelled my emusic subscription because it didn't provide the service I wanted at the price I wanted and Lala died, killed by Apple because it decided to do something more than what it ought. You think I'm going to pay 15 bucks for streaming AND DVDs? Not a chance, which means I'm going to choose one or the other, meaning that you will be receiving LESS money from me in the future.

You fools, you stupid capitalist fools, who think that people will stick with your brand even if you jack up the price not realizing that the price and the original service is why people are patronizing your service. Argh. It's like sports teams who continually increase ticket prices and expect to maintain attendance levels. It doesn't happen, people just decide that they can skip the games and watch on TV.

So, yeah, in some ways I wish you were like a government program that never changed that couldn't be killed that you would offer the same service forever. Of course, that would mean you would provide a crappy service forever.

I guess that leaves the only other option: Become a charity or church. Please. Let go of the profits, and embrace a live of service and do-goodery by giving the masses streaming and DVDs by mail on the cheap. You know, like the BBC.

Doug

P.S. I am in a particularly foul mood because somehow Bringing Up Baby ended up at the top of the queue and is now sitting on my end table.

A week of validation

2011-06-26T20:17:00.000-05:00

I get obsessed with seeing certain movies.

It all began spending hours perusing the walls of movies at Goodtime Video in Orem. They had an alcove that was devoted to Disney movies, including all the weird live-action movies that most people have forgotten about (The Black Arrow, Herbie Goes Bananas, The Apple Dumpling Gang Take Manhattan, etc.). When we went to Goodtime, the kids got to choose a movie usually from the Alcove of Disney. One movie that had caught my eye for several months was Night Crossing which, according to the back of the movie, was a harrowing tale of balloon-building and balloon-floating in East Germany. I was hooked. My older siblings were not. It took me a few months to get the nerve to even suggest that we get it, and when I did suggest it, it was shot down like a giant hot air balloon floating to West Germany.

I didn't limit my looking to just the Alcove of Disney though. I probably looked at every movie in the place and checked the rating on each movie. I chanced across one called the Mosquito Coast that was...a harrowing tale of civilization-building in Central America. I lobbied for that movie for years but never got anywhere like a deflated hot air balloon.

But, one evening, my siblings made the critical error in letting me accompany my dad to Goodtime alone. He wouldn't rent the Mosquito Coast as the kid movie, but a Disney movie about ballooning? Sure, why not? The response when I got home was not one of "Sure, why not?" when I proudly showed that we had rented Night Crossing, but more of "The stupid balloon movie? Were not watching THAT!" And they refused to watch it with me. Thus, began my lonely odyssey of watching unpopular movies by myself. I didn't remember much from Night Crossing, so I didn't know if it was really as terrible as everyone thought it was.

After two decades, an amazing confluence of events brought me to a couch watching the Mosquito Coast AND Night Crossing within a week. The amazing confluence of events was Christina was off at book group and the Mosquito Coast had arrived from Netflix. And, then after describing how long I had wanted to see it and describing the Night Crossing incident, Christina put Night Crossing to the top of the queue.

The real question: Did they live up to expectations?

First, The Mosquito Coast. Need we ask the question? Peter Weir directing Harrison Ford in a Behold! The Hubris of Man movie? A classic. Loved it. In the reviews I read after I watched the movie, there was a lot of talk about how great River Phoenix is in it as the oldest son. I was more stunned by the younger son, who goes from idolized his father to homesickness to loathing of his father and back to love. Pretty impressive for a ten-year-old. I don't think he was ever in another movie.

Second, Night Crossing. If it were not for John Hurt, the movie would be a disaster. But Hurt takes a Disneyfied script, wooden children actors, and some rotten co-stars, throws the movie on his back, finds the emotional core, and sucks it to the surface. After Hurt saves the first half of the movie, the director steps in and builds some nice tension over the second half of the movie such that Christina and I were both sucked in. What seemed to be a potential disaster in the first ten minutes had us goosebumping in the final ten.

So, Young Doug, bravo young man. You DID possess preternatural good taste in movies for a 10-year-old. And, like Harry Truman, history has validated you.

The Sarah Palin Emails

2011-06-14T21:23:00.003-05:00

OK, I'm a little late on this. But, for those who missed it, the Washington Post and the New York Times are soliciting for 100 volunteers to help them go through the 25,000 or so Sarah Palin emails when Palin was Governor of Alaska. As the Washington Post wrote: "That's a lot of e-mail for us to review so we're looking for some help from Fix readers to analyze, contextualize, and research those e-mails right alongside Post reporters over the days following the release."

Why does this bother me? Because the Washington Post and New York Times are exploiting the liberal proletariat, playing on their political ideology to extract free labor! In that statement I quote above, they are basically admitting that they do not have enough staff to do their job of reporting. Thus, people who have such skills should be able to demand a wage because they are in demand. Instead, they are providing their skill for free. It's part of an insidious plot by Capital that demands that people provide free labor before they get considered for a job. (A common problem in the current job market for recent grads.) The irony is that the WaPo/NYT plot is exploiting the very people that should have been well-schooled in Marxist thought and should be able to identify when they are being exploited. Instead, they are running like lemmings to offer their services. The first guy who volunteered on the WaPo page identified himself as extremely liberal and unemployed. Demand payment! The WaPo may be ostensibly liberal, but it is still part of the capitalist machinery.

In this, I agree with Rick Reilly, the evil sportswriter, who said to journalism school grads: "Don't write for free. Doctors don't doctor for free. Professors don't profess for free." And don't dig up evidence on Sarah Palin for free.

The Way Back

2011-06-14T14:00:00.001-05:00

It was foreordained from the foundations of time that I would love this movie. In fact, I think the whole reason this movie exists is to please me. Before you cry, "Solipsism!! It's what did in Aguirre, lad!!" let me make my points.

1. It's directed by Peter Weir, fresh off of his towering achievement that no one liked but me Master and Commander
2. It's a prison escapee movie.
3. It features long shots of people walking slowly in adverse conditions
4. It's an Incredible Journey
5. It's a Forced Brotherhood Where Some Will Die But You Don't Know Who movie
6. It has beautiful cinematography.

All this adds up to an incredibly boring movie for 95 percent of movie watchers. The other 5 percent who would like this movie live in Europe and will probably never see it. So, yes, I feel safe in saying that this movie was made especially for me.

Of course, this will not stop me from telling everyone to go rent it because I need to further burnish my credentials of Guy Whose Movie Tastes are Not Generalizable.

Zoofari 2011

2011-05-20T16:16:00.001-05:00

Through fortuitous circumstances, we landed Zoofari tickets again this year. Last year, we were so naive, eating a bunch of pedestrian flavored carbs at the top of the Zoo only to find the delectable meats at the bottom.

This year, we went in like Bain Capital-era Mitt Romney, ruthlessly efficient and cruel. An excellent slider to whet the appetite and then bypassing a good number of non-steak establishments. This strategy paid off in spades as when we hit the meat section, I was still hungry. Which means I had to have sampled about 15 different steaks. And Mitt would have been proud because I wouldn't tolerate the trappings associated with the steaks. Arugula? Begone! Thumbs up to Cava for just handing out a slab of lamb and to Capital Grille for just doing steak and potatoes. (I should note that I didn't just limit myself to steak. I had sushi and some pastramied stomach. Two vendors had stomach this year, but I only went for the pastramied stomach.)

Although this year was satisfying, I felt a distinct loss of innocence this year, the difference between a 5 yr old and a teenager at Christmas, the former bedazzled by the number of presents, the latter calculating.

Orwellian Nonsense from HHS

2011-05-16T19:45:00.002-05:00

My contact at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (by just referring to him as my contact, suddenly the story seems dark and mysterious) informed me about a year ago that HHS was plotting on expanding the definition of "child" in the TANF program (which is the national cash welfare program) in the regulations they were writing for the extra 5 billion for TANF provided through ARRA (the stimulus bill). I have been salivating waiting for these regs to come out to bring to light the absurd changes in the definition...and I finally heard today that these regs are available online. (For True Patriots who love reading regulations and other government publications, click here.)

It's not as damning as I had hoped. But it sure is complicated. First, TANF money can be provided to a recipient in two ways: 1) "Assistance" which consists of regular cash payments to a recipient. If someone receives TANF "assistance," they are subject to the work requirements of the program as well as the five-year time limit. 2) "Non-assistance" which consists of non-regular cash payments to a recipient or the provision of other services. So, you can give someone a lump sum of cash and, because it isn't a regular payment, it doesn't count as assistance. Which means that the person does not need to meet work requirements and does not count as being "on welfare." You can also give someone a pamphlet paid with using TANF funds and by giving them the pamphlet, they now count as receiving TANF (albeit "non-assistance"). Because they are receiving TANF non-assistance, they are eligible to receive food stamps. And if they are eligible to receive food stamps, they are also eligible to receive WIC. (It also allows them to use the TANF asset test which is typically waived by the states instead of the food stamp asset test which is stricter.)

Anywho, the point is that the TANF law explicitly states that in order to receive TANF "assistance", you must have a minor child in your home. The big deal with these new regs is that HHS looked at Purpose 1 of TANF which is to "provide assistance to needy families so that children may be cared for in their own homes or in the homes of relatives” and determined that it does not specify minor children, just children. Therefore, for "non-assistance," states can define a "child" up to the age of 25.

What does this mean? Well, it means that states can provide more non-assistance services to families that would otherwise be ineligible for receiving TANF non-assistance because their children were too old. It also means that more families will be eligible for "non-assistance" funded diversion grants (and possibly state EITC payments...)

I originally thought that this was going to be applied to assistance, which would have been a bigger deal, what with child-only cases and all. Instead, it's really just a change that makes understanding TANF (only a $17 billion program) even more difficult. Which makes me think that the regulations for Obamacare are going to be absolutely impenetrable.

"NA indicates too few white kids for AYP rules"

2011-04-21T20:42:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, we got something from Montgomery County Public Schools that said in a loud and authoritative voice: "IF ROSCOE NIX ELEMENTARY DOES NOT MEET AYP THIS YEAR, YOUR CHILD CAN GO TO ANOTHER SCHOOL." Hmm, a school that has field trips and plans for when teachers go on maternity leave and school programs and things like perhaps? That would be really nice, actually.

Surprisingly (not surprisingly), we are limited in our choice of different schools. I thought we would be able to send Dave and Caleb to Potomac Elementary or something (rich part of MoCo). Nope, we get our pick between Takoma Park and Fairland. So much for choice. Anyway, they also gave us the AYP scores of these two elementary schools along with the AYP scores of Roscoe Nix. So, schools are required by No Child Left Behind to report AYP not just for the entire school but also for racial/ethnic groups, special needs kids, and kids receiving free and reduced school lunch, unless there are too few kids at the school of that group to have a decent sample. Well, in looking at the AYP scores, lo and behold, there are no reported scores for white kids because, well, there aren't enough white kids at the school. Now, Dave is the only white kid in his class, but I guess that's the norm throughout the school.

Now, you might say, "That must be tough to not have kids of his race at the school." To which I say, No! Dave is actually providing diversity to the school! Kids in his class can't say they never went to school with a white kid! They will see the media stereotypes about white people being mean robber barons that will sell their own mother for the good of the company and think, "Hey, wait, there's a white kid in my class. He's decent enough. Maybe not all all white kids are greedy corporate executives." And it's those little moments that change the world.

BSP III

2011-04-21T20:08:00.004-05:00

So, I finally have a phone that takes pictures and it just so happens that this is the one week that Christina has it. So, I still have no pictures of a British Sea Power concert even though I was front row for the third time.

So, BSP again at the Black Cat. You'd think I be getting bored of this but I was so giddy to get there that Andrew Miller and I created the line in front of the Black Cat at 7:00 (doors opened at 8:00). I don't think anyone else got in line until about 7:45. First people into the club, first people to the merch booth where I had a discussion with Noble (BSP guitarist) about which shirt to buy.

I went with the I'm a Big Fan of the Local Library which I plan on wearing to the White Oak Library next time we go. (I had to buy it. I'm an ex-librarian after all...)

I could have bought one of the shirts that Yan and Hamilton drew and designed, but I figured I would regret wearing one because it kinda looked like those wildlife shirts (you know, the ones with a giant picture of a bear or wolf) that you can buy at Little America or from other fine kitchy Americana peddlers.

Anywho, I set up in between lead vocalist and guitarist. I am obviously craving human communication with Christina and the kids out of town because I was talking to everyone: Noble at the merch shop, some other huge BSP fan (first person I have ever met who shares the passion, nice to know there are people out there), the lead singer of A Classic Education (he is Canadian-Italian, the rest of the band is straight-up Italian), and BSP's roadie (I promised not to dump any liquid on a special amplifier...of course the drunk girl next to me kept trying to do that very thing...she also kept beckoning for members of the band to come to her. I hate fans like that.)

Overall summary of the gig: Wild professsionalism. They sounded tight, like they should as the concert was near the end of their tour. Not as much insanity. No climbing, no crowd surfing, no other kind of stuff that they did last time. However, Yan did stare at the ceiling for a good bit during the Great Skua and then stumbled and knocked over an amp with his head (of which Pat Tiedemann, the toughest man in the crowd, later said "That was the only thing I didn't buy about the performance. Totally contrived." I say, contrived or not, knocking over the amp with your head is neat.) Also, Noble took his bass and mic stand into the crowd during the finale of All In It and had people singing with him and also let a couple people play his bass (he was on bass that song). Plus, the drummer of A Classic Education came out and held another mic stand over the crowd during All In It so we could sing along.

But, yes, they killed it on the music. Opener was Who's In Control, followed by We Are Sound, Atom, Stande Null and Luna. Then Hamilton took over and did Blackout, Baby, and Once More Now. Yan came back on vocals and did some order of Remember Me, Ended on an Oily Stage, Larsen B, and Living is so Easy. Then Hamilton did Mongk II and no Lucifer. Yan then came back with Spirit of St. Louis and Lights Out for Darker Skies. Encore was Waving Flags, The Great Skua, Carrion, and All in It. I hope I didn't miss anything, but I probably got some of the order wrong.

What really struck me this time was the sheer enormity of the sound. At some points you had Noble, Yan, and Phil all on guitar. Especially on Once More Now, we were, well, drowned in sound. The song that really got me going was Remember Me. The opening of that song live is absolutely unbeatable.

Sign of getting old: I hardly jumped at all. Probably just a couple of times. Of course, no one in DC jumps.

There were about three or four photographers at the gig, and I just found some of their flickr pages, so I'll link to them: http://www.flickr.com/photos/escphotography/with/5640970182/ and http://www.flickr.com/photos/taracchini/sets/72157626419008493/with/5639278939/

Art

2011-03-06T19:52:00.003-05:00

I guess I'm still ten years old. Christina made a batch of play-doh this afternoon for the kids and I reluctantly participated. The next thing I knew, an hour and a half had passed and I had spent the time creating a disturbing scene of bunnies running over each other (while everyone else made, oh, frogs or pillows or Ol' Man Tucker).

In my defense, I was trying to make a bat and then Dave said it looked like a bunny and Christina said it looked like roadkill, so I took off the bat wings and added tread marks. And then things snowballed. The whole time I kept thinking, "Oh Mike [my brother] is going to think this is hilarious!"

Is this post-worthy? Not really. But seeing how I've been completely immersed in work lately, this is the closest I've been to "creative" in a long time.

An early Christmas present

2010-12-26T21:26:00.001-05:00

We are at peace.

After the sticky traps failed, we called the Orkin man. He came, set a bunch of sticky traps, and plugged up holes with steel wool. The next day, I noticed some of the steel wool was gone, so I plugged the hole with a plastic bag. The next day the plastic bag was gone, so I put another one in its place. It was gone again the next day. We kept hearing sounds by the oven, so we called the Orkin man to come back. he was shocked to see that a) the steel wool was being displaced and b) that the rodent was avoiding every sticky trap. So, he dropped some poison into the hole where the bag was disappearing and we braced ourselves for a dead rodent in the walls.

For three days, nothing. I assumed it had worked.

Then the scratching began again, by the stove again. I think I mentioned in the previous post about the rodent that there is a fairly large hole behind the stove that I tried to fill with bits of wood. I decided to make it more secure by adding tile and wood. And that led to the beginning of the end.

The next night, Christina saw the rodent peek out from the bottom drawer of the oven. Then he made more noise around the oven, and we realized that he couldn't get back into the walls. So we blocked his exit out into the kitchen with steel traps that Christina got from her dad that he uses at the test site. The rodent tried to exit, bumped a trap, set it off, and retreated.

The next morning (Dec. 23), Christina bought eight (eight!!) large snap traps, baited them with string cheese and put them into the bottom shelf of the oven. An hour later, I got the blessed call at work..."I heard a snap! I'm going to check! We got him!"

And got him we did.

A mouse, yes, but a big mouse (body was probably about seven inches).

We killed him without poison.

We killed him without sticky traps.

We killed him without Orkin Men, boxes, or bags.

The stress of the last month melted away. I saluted my adversary and then ceremoniously put him in a plastic bag and threw him away.

And on the night before Christmas/as I walked through the house/I knew not a creature was stirring/not even The Mouse.

'Cos he was dead.

The End.

Me vs. Devil Rat

2010-12-05T20:44:00.003-05:00

From time to time, a mouse enters the house. We've killed about four of them in our tenure here, little devils that fall prey to the ol' "There's some peanut butter at the end of this dark tunnel, just place your paws here and here to eat it" trap. And cue a resounding ZOT!

But, then we began to hear noises of a different sort, louder scratching, under different appliances. Something from deep in the earth's bowels had arisen and had made its foul way into our way by may of an inexplicable huge hole behind the stove. Curse random huge holes behind appliances! Curse slipshod retrofitting of ancient houses for modern amenities! We laid our puny electronic mouse traps and small sticky traps and caught nothing. Christina caught glimpses of the monster during late night feedings of Colette.

But 'twas this most recent Thursday when I finally laid my eyes on the creature. An audaciously fat, slow rodent that was operating in the mid-evening. He escaped under the dishwasher and left me a mess of nerves, recognizing that I had nothing to combat something of that size.

I laid the smaller sticky traps by the dishwasher, and laid bits of cheese on them. In the morning, they were pushed out of the way and the cheese was gone. So, on Saturday morning, we all woke up early to take Christina at the airport. Suddenly, the beast appeared from beneath the piano and scurried around the room. Of course he makes his most bold appearance when I have no time to set up a perimeter and hunt his foul self down. He scampered back to the piano and we had to leave.

So, on Saturday, the kids and I bought giant sticky traps. GIANT! Six of them! And I baited them as before. So, what to my wondering eyes should appear this morning but this!

In the bottom left, you can see two big paw prints. The stinking rat took two big steps in going for the cheese, got stuck, pulled the sticky trap to the middle of the floor and freed himself.

1) I have now given the monster additional Spiderman type powers: Sticky paws.

2) What's the use of the sticky trap if the rat can free himself?? I don't want a "trap" like the Empire's great trap that succeeded in getting the Emperor killed, the Death Star blown up, and Darth Vader rehabilitated. That is not a successful trap. No, a successful trap is like the one that the Ewoks laid for Chewbacca. That worked.

But alas! To quote the plastic surgeon who really did a number on the Joker after he fell in acid "You see what I have to work with here." A bunch of stupid sticky traps. So, here's my new plan...

THREE STICKY TRAPS!

WITH PEANUT BUTTER IN THE MIDDLE!

I will wait for the rat. A stakeout. When I hear his cries of dismay at getting a paw stuck, I will strike. Oh, I will strike with the wrath of a thousand tortured souls who do not want to buy rat poison to have the rat crawl into the wall and die and moulder for the next two weeks.

In other news, I watched Ridley Scott's the Duellists last night. The movie has nothing to do with me suddenly feeling like the rat has insulted me and therefore I must duel with him until the matter is resolved. Nothing.

An hour of nothings

2010-11-15T22:04:00.001-05:00

Rep. Chris Van Hollen, member of the House of Representatives and chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, came and spoke at the School of Public Policy this afternoon. The topic: Policy Challenges Facing the 112th Congress. Ok, I know that he's a politician, but I expected that because his party just got smoked in the election, because he's a public policy grad, and because there's no way he's losing an election any time soon that he'd be a little more forthcoming about actual policy options.

After an hour of Van Hollen talking I learned only about one policy option that he supports: raising taxes on those making over 250k. Every time he got close to talking actual policy, he ended up veering off into banal generalities. When someone asked about the Debt Commission's recommendations for fixing Social Security, he said that they were all part of a package to be considered and then ridiculed the Commissions recommendations on Medicare without providing any alternatives.

So, no clearly defined policy options. But, he did provide us with a few nuggets about why the Democrats think they got shellacked in November. 1. The Republicans received a lot of secret money 2. A bad political climate 3. A high unemployment rate. That's right, nothing about a growing dissatisfaction with runaway spending and unpopular bills. I don't mind if Democrats say, "we know we got shellacked because of our policies but we think that what we did was right and we're ok with it." instead, they come with a bunch of reasons why they lost which don't really get at t basic unpopularity of their policies. Oh, Rep Van Hollen said that the major discussion that the Democratic Caucus had after the losses was about how to fix their message. Not a thoughtful discussion about policy, but how they should have spun their message. Pathetic.

Anyway, a major disappointment. It's not like the Republicans are inspiring a lot of love in me right now either. Rumor has it that their first order of business is to try and repeal the Health Care law as if that's a viable option. After that, try want to hunker down until 2012. Inspiring.

Giants Win the World Series

2010-11-14T23:38:00.002-05:00

I know, I know, they won it almost two weeks ago. (The Call Family will no longer celebrate All Saints Day on November 1st, but will celebrate Giants Day to commemorate the final victory in game 5). And it's embarrassing to have blogged consistently about the Giants up until the WS victory and then not say anything about it. Honestly, I am still basking in the aftermath of it all, so I don't feel compelled to write anything more than the following. You always hope that when your team wins the whole enchilada, that it's not a team of jerks or dour professionals (the 2002 Giants). The thing I will always remember about the 2010 WS team was that they were not full of themselves, they were enthusiastic, they played as a team, and their joy in playing the game was infectious. They were cast-offs, has-beens, and up-and-comers that really seemed like a team without an ego. The kind of team that you thought all teams were like when you were naive to professional sports as a business.

It doesn't matter what the Giants do from here on out. I will continue to follow them and support them, but I won't have the gnawing desire to have them with the World Series. I watched every game this year, I have the memories, that's good enough for me. You can't get a better storyline or a better team.

Seating on Public Transportation

2010-11-14T22:59:00.002-05:00

In this editorial in the NY Times, the author laments that on his Acela trips from NYC to Providence and back again, he often has an empty seat next to him and he sadly ascribes it to him being African-American. I think my favorite part of the editorial is where he writes: "But the very pleasing moment of anticipation casts a shadow, because I can’t accept the bounty of an extra seat without remembering why it’s empty, without wondering if its emptiness isn’t something quite sad."

I really don't want to wade too much into the whole point that the article raises about how white people don't want to sit next to black people on public transportation. I have thought about it somewhat seeing how I am typically the racial minority on Metrobus and I rarely end up having someone sit next to me if I have an open seat next to me. But, this happened when I commuted up to Salt Lake as well back in the late 1990s, so it must be something about me looking mean when I ride public transportation.

I really wanted to comment on the sadness of the empty seat next to you as you ride on public transportation. When I would commute to Salt Lake, I hoped the good looking young professional girls would sit next to me (because I'm sure I would have struck up an intelligent conversation at 5:19 in the morning), but that never transpired. So, the empty seat represented me being rejected by various good looking girls, and yes, that made me feel sad. Nowadays, I don't really want someone to sit next to me. But sometimes, when someone bypasses the seat next to me and goes over and sits next to the obese person who's filling a seat and a half, or the person who smells, I still feel a pang of sadness. Really, you'd rather be tottering on the edge of your seat ready to fall off the moment that the bus hangs a left because you chose to sit next to the obese person rather than sitting next to me, a seemingly nice non-obese non-smelly type person? Yes, it makes me doubt if I have any natural charisma whatsoever.

On the other hand, after reading the article above, I decided to review my past seat choices (assuming I had to sit next to someone). I realized that I was more likely to sit next to middle-aged Hispanic women than any other race/sex. Alas! A cause for repentance! Which I have done. Instead of doing a mental calculation to determine who I think is most likely to get off sooner so I get the empty seat next to me, I am now trying my hardest to sit next to black men so they won't think I'm being racist. (Somehow, I don't think that's the kind of change the article was hoping to bring about...)

Great momets in announcing

2010-10-30T21:26:00.001-05:00

I feel like Joe Buck and Tim McCarver are good friends of mine after these many weeks of watching baseball. And like my good friends, they say some really stupid stuff. Now, I can't imagine how many stupid things I would say if I had to talk nonstop about baseball for three hours. But they had some lines that really killed me tonight

Joe: strike one
Tim: (admiringly) How many times have you said that tonight?

Now, he's trying to praise Colby Lewis and his ability go throw first pitch strikes. But, Joe says "strike one" almost EVERY batter! I think he didn't say "strike one" once, when Sanchez walked someone on four pitches. So, it's really not that impressive. More impressive is if Joe had said "first pitch strike."

Tim: and that's a breaking ball that breaks down.

Maybe someone has a breaking ball that breaks up. I haven't seen one.

Joe: (watching people buying food) Well, cardiologists are just grinning at this sight.
Tim: yeah, that will keep them in business

I think that's a violation of the Hippocratc Oath, right?

Poleaxing Cliff Lee in Game 1

2010-10-28T18:57:00.001-05:00

When I came home tonight, Christina said "Check out the top left of your new SI." it says: "Rangers ace Cliff Lee: why he'll be the difference." I looked at the article, written by Tom Verducci, and he wrote: "The left-hander is more than the central character of the series: he looms above it like the sun above the Earth."

Yes, he sits astride the series like a mighty Colossus...until felled like a cow hit in the face by a two by four. Giants scored 7 runs off him in four innings and tarnished his career postseason ERA, dropping him from third all time to eighteenth.

Of course, no one expected it because no one has figured out that the Giants offense has had to go through the pitching- rich NL West, the Braves, and the Phillies, both of whom are excellent pitching teams, to get to the world series. Yes, their offense has already faced down the best pitchers...and triumphed. Thus, it's perfectly within their abilities to, well, poleaxe the best postseason pitcher since Sandy Koufax.

Of course, if they get shut out tonight, then never mind.

Giants Win the Pennant

2010-10-24T19:52:00.002-05:00

This picture depicts the very moment in which the umpire called the third strike, where Ryan Howard was suddenly realizing that he has struck out looking, and where it's just dawning on Buster Posey that the Giants are going to the World Series.

Trying to think about how best organize my thoughts about this series. The national media has tried crafting a narrative of this series as it progressed and I think that the narrative falls short.

Beginning narrative: The Phillies have the best starting pitching in the majors. There was no way that the Giants could win against Halladay, Hamels, and Oswalt. The Giants offense is so bad that they will not be able to score against the Phillies.

This ignored that the Giants starting pitchers had an ERA of 1.00 in the NLDS against the Braves. Also, ignored that the Giants starting pitching had held opponents to 2 or fewer runs in 18 consecutive games in September, and that the overall pitching staff had the second best ERA in the majors. No one acknowledged that Matt Cain, Jonathan Sanchez, and Madison Bumgarner all had ERAs around 3.00 and that any Giants fan would tell you that Cain was more reliable than Lincecum this year.

As for the offense, Roy Halladay had never beaten the Giants in 4 career starts and had an ERA of 6.66 against them, including giving up 5 runs against the Giants at the beginning of the season. Not only had the Giants beaten each of the Phillies top 3 once this season, they also had beaten pitchers like Josh Johnson of the Marlins, Chad Billingsley of the Dodgers, and other aces. Yes, not a great offense, but nothing like the historical abomination that the media was reporting.

Middle of the series narrative: After the Phillies fell behind three games to one, the accepted wisdom was that the Phillies had beaten themselves in Game 4. Joe Posnanski of SI titled his column's "Manuel Decisions Backfire in Game 4," Mitch Williams on FOX immediately started criticizing the Phillies pitch selection, and other writers basically agreed that the Phillies had lost the game, as opposed to the Giants winning it. So, in Game 5, when Lincecum outpitches Halladay, but Sandoval and Huff both have errors in the three-run third inning...Oh, that's the Phillies winning the game! Not the Giants throwing it away.

And then came the Hagiography of Roy Halladay. After giving up 4 runs in game 1, everyone was talking about how it was a no brainer that Halladay should pitch game 4 on short rest, not game 5. And then in game 5, he didn't look sharp in his six innings and gave up 2 runs. Lincecum lost because his defense collapsed. Other than that, he was much sharper. But, no, Halladay is the guttiest, toughest player in the world!

And then after the Giants win in game 6...Harold Reynolds on MLB network said that this was one of the biggest upsets in sports history. Rob Neyer on ESPN said "The Giants played Game 6 just well enough to win. Which goes double for the entire NLCS. They scored 19 runs in six games; the Phillies scored 20. The Giants didn't outplay the Phillies, exactly. They did play the Phillies to a standstill." Joe Posnanski wrote "These are your National League Champion San Francisco Giants. They beat the Phillies 3-2 Saturday in the most improbable victory since, well, probably since Wednesday when they beat the Phillies by a run. And that was probably the most improbable victory since they beat Roy Halladay and the Phillies in Game 1 of this series by a run."

I'm sure there are a hundred more quotes like this out there. Basically, that the Giants shocked the world, they barely played well enough to win, and got just enough lucky breaks to beat the Phillies.

Here's what I say. The Giants have the best pitching staff in the majors. They completely handcuffed the best offense in the NL. Their offense is much better than advertised. At the beginning of the series they got clutch hits, but in game 6 they had 13 hits. 13 hits! They were getting on base, just not scoring that much. Plus, they were going against a very good pitching staff in their own right. Remember, they didn't eke past the Phillies in seven. They took the commanding 3-1 lead, they blew game 5, and then came right back and won on the road in an insane environment (nice on the Phillies fans for making sure to boo as the Giants celebrated after winning). That's a mentally tough team, that's the championship team, not the underdog scrappy team. Call them the underdog at your peril.

Giants winning with weak hitting

2010-10-19T21:27:00.001-05:00

I know that I've been writing a bunch about the Giants, but it's completely justified because the games have been so intense. I'm watching the Rangers- Yankees game and I've seen a number of hard-hit balls even though the score is only 3-2 in the 5th. The Giants have scored eight runs in this series and outside of Cody Ross and his phenomenal three home runs, the Giants have only one other really hard hit all series and that was Rowand's double. No, I guess Burrell had a deep hit in Game 1. But the Giants don't seem to be hitting the Phillies pitching especially hard. Just timely hits when runners get on. Not wasting opportunities. Very economical. They probably are tops among playoff teams in having 1-2-3 innings for their offense. And that seemed true of the NLDS too. If I were a Phillies fan,mid be frustrated that my pitchers aren't getting hit hard, are striking out 8 batters a game, and still getting losses. First time in my life I've been a fan of a team who plays this way.

The Redemption Series

2010-10-19T21:06:00.001-05:00

After this afternoon's dominant pitching performance by Matt Cain, I'm pretty stoked at the Giants' chances of making the World Series. (I should also point out the incredibly opportunistic hitting with two outs against both Halladay and Oswalt. The offense may not be pretty, but they don't leave a bunch of men on base like they did in that tragic 2003 NLDS against the Marlins.)

Although it would be great to play and beat the Yankees, I'm actually pulling for a Giants-Rangers World Series and it has nothing to do with the schadenfreude of watching the Yanks lose or because the Rangers haven't ever won a World Series. No! It's because the Rangers and the Giants were both hubs of steroid activity in the 1990s. Perhaps, "hives" is more appropriate. Or "dens." The Rangers seemed to really be the major purveyors of steroids in the early and mid-1990s with Jose Canseco personally injecting as many teammates as he could and then the Giants are the primary recipients of the really good stuff from BALCO in the late 1990s and early 2000s. So, of course, both teams were built around hugely muscled sluggers and no pitching, perfect embodiments of the steroid era. And, yea, verily, both teams were punished by the baseball gods with lack of success. As penance, they both moved away from the muscled slugger approach to emphasize pitching. OK, I know that the Rangers made an effort to work on pitching. I think the Giants have some great pitching talent evaluators and wretched position player evaluators, so they do great in drafting pitchers but have no good position players in the farm system. And Brian Sabean hasn't realized that those aging vets no longer have the Fountain of Youth in BALCO to tap into any more, so many of the position players are decomposing in the field or the dugout.

Anyway, the baseball gods seem to be smiling on the Giants and Rangers. After besmirching the name of baseball and providing fodder for yet another volume of Ken Burns's interminable Baseball saga, these two teams are finally out or purgatory. I think the more power-deficient the Giants are, the more they prove how devout their penance is and thus more worthy to be chosen to win the World Series.

Or the Yanks and the Phillies move on because the baseball gods, like the basketball gods, want a rubber match between the last two champs. I think my storyline is more compelling.

Global Budget Race

2010-10-19T20:22:00.001-05:00

We just put the "Global Budget Race" online at the Welfare Reform Academy website so that people can read it who don't have access to the Wilson Quarterly. The link is http://www.welfareacademy.org/pubs/budgetpolicy/TheGlobalBudgetRace.pdf.
(This is the most recent article that I coauthored.)

The Window

2010-10-05T21:43:00.001-05:00

And the Giants are in the playoffs after holding off the Padres, the only team that truly struck fear in me this year. After all, the padres and the Giants are practically the same team: awesome pitching, inept offense, except that against the Giants, the Padres pitching was absurdly good.

Speaking of the awesome pitching of the Giants, consider that the starting pitchers of the Giants did not get injured the entire year, save for Todd Wellemeyer, who was wretched in the first two months. Lincecum, Cain, Sanchez, Zito, and Bumgarner were all injury-free which is beyond lucky. I'll have to investigate, but I bet that the giants starting pitchers spent less time on the DL than any other team. There is no conceivable way this will happen in the next few seasons while the Giants still have all these young pitchers under contract, and there's no offensive threat coming up from the minors to cushion the blow of injuries to the Giants staff. Oh, and there's no way that the bullpen can be as good as they have been this year. So, this is the narrow window for the Giants to win a championship in the next decade. I'm giddy just thinking about it (and also mentally prepared for an utter meltdown in the NLDS and a swift exit, for that seems to be more like the way of the Giants).

Inspired Lunacy

2010-10-05T21:28:00.001-05:00

I just read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy for the first time, and yes, I deliberately waited until I was years out of high schoolmate read it for fear of liking it and then being entangled in a conversation about it that would be overheard by others which might actually make people think something about me. Horrors. (After overdosing on Cormac McCarthy, I've decided to really shake up my reading list. So, I've hit 100 Years of Solitude, All the King's Men, Hitchhiker's Guide, and now am on to Zola's Germinal which so far is about coal miners in Northern France in the 1800s who expectorate black foam.)

So, after hearing so much about it, and after reading that the Washington Post said it was inspired lunacy and all manner of other superlatives, I was pumped. And when I finished, I wasn't blown away. Sure, I found it really entertaining, specifically the depressed robot Marvin, but it wasn't like this was the weirdest and wildest space odyssey I had ever read. That would be Borgel. What, you haven't heard of Borgel by Daniel Pinkwater? that's because no one has because it's completely idiotic (and hilarious). Same kinda thing, person living on earth is really an alien, takes human off of earth, they have crazy adventures, earth animals are really sentient, and there's a giant computer that talks. Except in Borgel there is a dancing popsicle that is somehow a representation of God/supreme power, Borgel being zapped back to the old country, an incredibly disgusting bloboform running a root beer stand, and traveling near the gates of Hell by way of Terre Haute.

It's not that Hitchhiker is boring, it just wasn't as mind blowing as I was expecting, plus I'm a huge Pinkwater fan, so I've become desensitized to weirdness. And I thought the writing was much better than much of Pinkwater's stuff. (Trust me when I say that The Last Guru might be one of the worst things ever written. Same is true of the Worms of Kukomlima. On the other hand, The Snarkout Boys and the Avocado of Death, and Young Adult Novel are absolute classics. Young Adult Novel changed my life and launched me into my "absurdist plays" writing period.)

Blurghing like Winston Churchill

2010-09-26T15:30:00.001-05:00

To paraphrase Peach on Finding Nemo: Today's the day! The sun is shining, the shed is clean! *horrified* The shed is clean! Which means ancient germs have been disturbed, leading to quite a pukerrific morning/afternoon and missed the meeting of the decade. From secondhand reports of the meeting, White Oak thinks nothing has changed for them. Au contraire! We make our debut on Oct 10th, one that the Establishment will talk about for decades. (actually, it will quite tame as there is no way that Christina will be there as the baby is due days before.)

Of all the Chinese movies I've seen...

2010-09-24T21:27:00.001-05:00

I beautifully killed our Netflix queue by getting Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon and House of Flying Daggers one after the other and Christina had no real interest in seeing either. This, combined with working late many nights the last two weeks has meant that House of Flying Daggers has been marinating next to the TV for a while now.

For no good reason it turns out, because it's awesome. I know everyone gushes over Crouching Tiger, but of the three Chinese movies that I've seen in this vein, I much prefer House of Flying Daggers and Hero. I absolutely loved the battle sequences in this one and the ending was dramatic and epic. I do really like the mythical feel of these movies, but this one seemed a little more grounded than the other two (not too much flying, but a sudden snowstorm and impressively thrown daggers were some of the fantastical elements). I also loved the cinematography, but that may because I don't watch too many artistic movies any more so when something is visually appealing, I am stunned.

Fun new reasons to loathe the Dodgers

2010-09-23T21:37:00.001-05:00

The Padres have been absolutely imploding the last month. And, if it wasn't for the Dodgers completely tanking it against the Padres this month, then the NL West race would be between be the Giants and the Rockies. To wit: the padres are 4-17 against all other teams and 5-0 against the Dodgers. Earlier in the month, the Dodgers played the Padres and then the Giants. After getting swept by the Padres, here's something my brother sent:

“Dodgers manager Joe Torre fielded a lineup light on power and experience Sunday -- four of the eight position players have not homered in the big leagues -- but assured that the Giants will face the best possible lineup beginning Tuesday.”

So, congratulations to the Dodgers for finding new ways for me to find them loathsome. All this would be moot if the Giants could consistently score runs. After losing Torres to an appendectomy, run production has plummeted highlighting their startling lack of depth (and the most awful outfield made up of the reanimated corpses of Guillen, Burrell, and Rowand)

A break in the tedium

2010-09-23T21:09:00.001-05:00

I am the frog in the water that is slowly being boiled alive. The bus is the pot of boiling water and the slowly increasing days of my life spent on the bus. The process of being boiled alive is the process of me slowly losing my sense of community/humanity on the bus.

I finally become self-aware of my boiled state when I sat on the small old Asian man yesterday. It was one of those days where everybody was using two seats. (insert Simpsons quote here: Lisa: Can I sit here? Mrs Skinner: oh course not dear, this seat is for my coin purse). It was rush hour and I didn't want to stand when there were plenty of seats available and I wanted to read All the King's Men instead of standing there and staring at my fellow freaks on the bus. So, I saw half a seat and sat down. I have no idea why the small Asian man was taking up two seats, but I assumed that he would move when he saw me start backing up. He did not. I sat on him. He scooted over and looked at me, shocked and said something which I didn't catch because I had my headphones on. I did hear him "harumph" when I didn't respond. I sat there stewing about how I was a total jerk to him and didn't say I was sorry.

And then it turns out that I have psychologically destroyed him. There were plenty of seats on the bus today so I sat across from the Asian man. But the person behind me getting on the bus sat two seats away from him. as she turned to sit down, he stirred from his reverie (he's always staring off into space and it looks like he's counting things in his head) and jumped in his seat, worried about being crushed again. Great.

(in my defense of trying to ignore my fellow busriders, a Liberian woman yelled at the busdriver for about ten minutes because he asked her to pay her fare. Something about coming to this country so that she didn't have to have busdrivers exploit her and charge her more for bus fare than required and then saying that the busdriver wasn't a native of this country because he didn't have Chinese colored skin. Oh boy. I then turned up the British Sea Power...)

Our Annual Baseball Game or We are East Coast

2010-09-06T19:48:00.001-05:00

There's no better time to see baseball in the Baltimore-Washington corridor than during August and September because the Orioles and Nationals are always out of contention, meaning that a) they have great deals to try and get anyone to the games and b) you can show up at game time and still get cheap tickets. (It's better to do this with the Nationals because they don't play the Yankees or the Red Sox so you don't have to put up with a bunch of visiting fans. Camden Yards in September is a shame when you hear "let's go Red Sox" chants.) Today was dollar ticket day for kids and the Nationals were playing the miserable Mets, so there was no problem getting tickets waaaaay up on the first base side.

No one likes a narrative of a game between two out of contention teams. So, here are the highlights.

- I witnessed my first grand slam

- Our seats had cobwebs on them. Cobwebs! and I'm pretty sure that the Nats are in the middle of a homestand. I suppose that's all one really needs to say about the attendance issues in DC.

- And now for the supreme highlight. We had a couple in front of us, the guy was a stereotypical young Washingtonian namely kind of a self important cocky jerk. He obviously did not like having three kids behind him. If there's inducing we pride ourselves on with our children is that we do not allow them to be nuisances in public places. We don't allow them to kick seats, touch strangers, etc. Well, this guy kept making comments all game or shooting dirty looks if one of the kids brushed the cupholder attached to the back of his seat. Or if a kid put their foot on the seat next to him. Anyway, about the sixth inning, Christina would have no more of it saying, "Quit giving them dirty looks, they aren't touching your seat and you can move if you want to. There are tons of other seats. Oh, and this is a ball game not an opera house." It was pretty epic. Guy didn't say another word, verbally smacked around by an eight month pregnant woman. It was awesome and, well, a little east coast.

And there went my summer of reading...

2010-09-05T20:33:00.003-05:00

Last summer, I really crushed it. Almost solely relying on commute time for my book reading, I read Catch-22, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, The Road, No Country for Old Men, All the Pretty Horses, High Fidelity, How to be Good, and the Good Earth.

So, this summer, I was all revved up to do it again. After months of reading nary a work of fiction (unless you consider the preview editions of Sports Illustrated fiction...see, long article about how the Mariners are the team to beat in the AL West because they've gone beyond Moneyball and are emphasizing defensive statistics), I launched myself back into fiction by...reading more Cormac McCarthy. Cities of the Plains wasn't bad; I preferred the three other McCarthy books that I read last summer. Well, I was incredibly bothered by the plot of Cities of the Plains because isn't falling in love with a 16 year old prostitute with epilepsy just incredibly cliche? That being said, the book is completely redeemed by the absolutely poetic knife fight at the end. But then the 50 page epilogue with Billy and the Traveler on the road just deflated the whole thing. A stumbling ending worthy of War and Peace (still the gold standard in the worst way to end a book). (Seeing how the end of No Country for Old Men was a buzzkill, I'm a little worried that McCarthy is the Jerry Lewis of novels. Brilliant [debatable in the case of Lewis], but just doesn't know how to end it.)

It took me a month and a half to make the Crossing. Just brutal. Maybe it's because I'm on my fifth McCarthy. Maybe it's because there seem to be so many aimless passages. (Billy drifting through Mexico, Billy drifting through the American West. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand repeat.) After slogging through to the end, I thought about swearing off fiction for another nine months. Then I picked up 100 Years of Solitude and was enchanted again.

Levels of Initial Movie Confusion

2010-08-26T20:52:00.003-05:00

I have discovered a new level of initial movie confusion. Remember, this is not how confusing the movie was, but my own personal feeling of confusion when the movie ended. So, I may have found it more confusing as I thought about it later, or I may have become more enlightened after thinking about it. This does not include the level of movies that were so incredibly stupid that I was confused as to how it even got released.

Inception Level: The Nagging Doubts

I really could have chosen from a number of sci-fi movies where I walked away thinking, "Yeah, I understood that" but had that nagging doubt that maybe there was something else that I missed. Inception seems to be the best one to fit here because I saw it recently. I suppose Children of Men could fit here too only because at the end I thought, "Wait, why couldn't any have a baby?"

Donnie Darko level: Convoluted Plot

You know what you saw, and you could easily explain it to someone, but as to why any of those things happened, you couldn't say. I'm not sure there's another movie besides Donnie Darko that fits here because I can't think of another movie that purposefully withholds major plot points from the viewer and asks them to do research after the fact.

2001 Level: Everything's Cool Until the Baby Appears in a Bubble
Slow, slow, slow, everything makes sense and then Dave follows the monolith down a wormhole and BOOM! After you've seen it thirty times, it starts to make sense. (Cue space nerds with Comic Book Guy Voice [or my new favorite voice, the weird guy at Liz Lemon's singles activities who always says things like: "That's not very much cheese" when Jenna tries to impress him] saying that they understood the very first time). But the first time, the weird ending is so long that you've given up trying to understand by the time bubble baby floats in.

L'Aile ou La Cuisse level: "Hey Dad...why?"

Oh, like your dad never would sit you down with him to watch foreign comedies...without subtitles. You sit there and ask him why he's laughing and he says it's an inside French joke and all you can tell from the plot is that there's some weird food game show where the loser ends up in Hell (I watched this when I was ten...) and something about the son being a clown. I don't know. I couldn't understand the plot visually or aurally.

And finally, our newest addition....

The Fountain level: Floating Buddhas

I have no idea what happened in this movie. I just watched it tonight. All I can tell you is that Hugh Jackman and Rachel Wiesz are in it. And they love each other. Other than that, you got me.

Early contender for song of the year

2010-07-05T19:19:00.003-05:00

One thing's for darn sure. This is the best album cover of the year. Hands down. What, you think that National's Velvet has a better cover? Seriously? What's wrong with you?

Nominee for song of the year: Castaways. Dramatic, melodic, and the end sounds like the end of the Lion King.

What are other nominees for song of the year? I thought about that for a while yesterday and came to the stunning conclusion that I don't think I've listened to a single other album from 2010 besides Shearwater. So, my year end best of list is going to be mighty spare...

A movie that explains many a lost weekend in high school

2010-06-27T20:23:00.003-05:00

No one believes in high school debate.

No one believes that there is a strange subculture of incredibly smart arrogant hypercompetitive scholastic underachievers that voluntarily give up their weekends for months going to tournaments around the state, lugging around boxes and boxes to scream at each other for hour and a half intervals.

No one believes that one of my God-given abilities (reading incredibly fast) could be used in any useful manner apart from making a fool of myself in talent shows from coast to coast.

This is why, I announce with trembling pleasure, the appearance of a great documentary. (A paraphrase of perhaps the greatest blurb of all time, for Watership Down. How could one not want to read Watership Down after reading that on the front cover? The four or five pages of positive reviews inside only solidify how awesome that book is. Whenever I'm reading and I'm thinking, "Does anyone else realize how awesome this book is?" I flip to the front and read all the positive reviews and bask in the praise as if I wrote the book.)

The documentary is called Resolved. It took me right back to high school, getting crushed my debaters like Sam who not only crushed you in the round, but made you feel as stupid as an earthworm. Watch it. Believe.

(I often was not on the positive side of the crushing. Everyone always talks about how awesome sports are for learning perseverance and developing character, blah blah blah, because the coach is yelling at you and pushing you to your physical limits. I say, "Bah!" Why? Because in a service economy, the people who are more valuable are those who are mentally tough, who have gone through the refining fire of having their arguments ripped to shreds, who have suffered the humiliation of being judged stupider than another on multiple occasions, but who learn how to take it and adapt. That's building character.)

I cannot resist a good English soccer anthem

2010-06-11T22:25:00.002-05:00

This song is pretty epic despite it being recorded by Americans (well, two of them anyway) for England. And the timing of my posting of it is particularly horrendous as the US and England play tomorrow and my posting an English soccer anthem may seem treacherous. Ah, but note I called it soccer and I will call it a "game" not a "match" and they will play on a "field" not a "pitch" and if someone lays a goose egg it will be "zero" and not "nil." And more importantly, as a real American fan, I will celebrate when the Americans play an extraordinarily physical game, when they run people over, when they make ill-advised devastating tackle after devastating tackle, earning scores of yellow cards in the process which will doom them in later games (where they will also earn scores of yellow cards leading to scores of suspensions). Because there's nothing more exciting than mucking up someone else's beautiful game.

The impact of Buster Posey

2010-06-07T22:48:00.003-05:00

Buster Posey was called up nine games ago. In those nine games, the Giants have gone 6-3 and scored 44 runs, an average of 4.8 runs per game. In the previous forty-seven games, the Giants scored 192 runs, or an average of 4.1 runs per game.

Posey is hitting .455 in those 9 games, with an OBP of .486. So, he has been on base a total of 16 times. No home runs, four doubles. The man is always on base. So, where was he in the lineup today? Oh, hitting 7th, to make sure that when he gets on base that Aaron Rowand and then the pitcher won't be able to drive him in.

In other news, Freddy Sanchez is hitting .500 in his last nine games or so and he's batting second. So, two red-hot hitters, two guys always on base...and we make sure to space them out so there is no freaking way they will ever be on base when the other one is at the plate. But, as I mentioned above, runs are up. The Giants have won three out of their last four DESPITE giving up four or more runs in each of those games. That would have been a four game losing streak last year. Here's to hoping that Bochy will wake up someday soon and put Posey somewhere in front of Huff or Uribe. (How pathetic is it that Juan Uribe is the power man in the Giants lineup? He's playing great, but still, there's no way he should be the team leader in HRs.)

A Skirmish

2010-06-07T22:31:00.002-05:00

Silver Spring, MD--On Saturday, the ceasefire between man and thorny weeds was shattered by a sudden assault on the weeds' left flank. For the past two months, man and plant had been eying each other warily since the discovery that the thorns had reclaimed land in the northwest yarden after suffering severe losses in the battle of the northeast yarden six months ago. Despite the discovery, no direct action was taken, lulling the thorny weeds into a sense of security. But at around 7:00 PM, five thorny plants were obliterated in the space of twenty minutes. The weeds responded by enveloping an errant batted ball and poking it. The next day, the remaining weeds received a crude drawing of a hole in the ground with a note reading "You. Next week."

In other news, I found out that I've been cultivating pokeweed again. Seriously. At least it looks like the green beans are working.

Snake in the Fence

2010-06-07T22:04:00.005-05:00

This is a picture of a black rat snake.

This is a picture of our backyard. Note the mesh fence around the garden.

Now, here's the fun part. Imagine the black rat snake intertwined in the fence. Now imagine that it's dead, falling apart, and covered in flies. While you're imagining the scene, pretend that this is a British tourist attraction and recreate the smell by opening a tupperware full of moldering broccoli. (All good British tourist attractions try to recreate the smell. The worst is that Jorvick Viking Center in York that sends you on a Disneyland-esque ride through a Viking village because who wouldn't want to know what a Viking village smelled like? (It smells uncommonly like the York Youth Hostel.))

Such was the scene that we faced after coming home from the beach. A) I had no clue there were black rat snakes in my yard. B) I did not know that they are stupid enough to get themselves so wrapped up in mesh that one has to cut them out of the fence in two different places. Because while what's better than getting your body stuck in the fence? Why, getting your head tightly wrapped up too.

On the minus side, I have a couple of holes in my fence.

On the plus side, I no longer have that snake in my yard.

Also on the plus side, a forager at the MoCo landfill (probably in PG County) might stumble across a bag with a dead snake in it. And that's always good for a laugh.

ZooFari 2010

2010-05-23T20:15:00.002-05:00

Christina and I got hooked up with some free tickets to go to National Zoo's ZooFari on Thursday. Basically, the deal is simple: 100+ restaurants from the DC area set up booths and hand out free tasty morsels. People such as Christina and me wander down the paths of the zoo grabbing as much succulent goodness as possible. By the time you get to the bottom, you curse that you ate the entire chicken parmesan at the first booth when you could have taken a couple of bites to sample more more more!

The real question of the night. What did I eat. Seeing how I basically went into a meat coma after we got home, I might leave some of the samples out, but I'll try and list everything. (I'll try and put the restaurant and whether it was good or bad).

Chicken Parmesan: no idea the restaurant. It was good, not great.

Weird sushi goo on bread: Pretty good

Some sushi roll: Pretty good

Raw tuna on a cracker (or something): It was ok. Not incredibly awesome

Thai food: Spicy tofu ulam and spinachy meat ulam: Asia nine Lounge and Something: Awesome

Chicken aloo (or something like it): Indique Nights: Off the charts awesome

Roasted pig: Rocklands BBQ: Eh, okay. I had better pig later.

Braised pork belly: Bastille: Awesomely awesome. Perhaps the best pork I've ever had.

Braised pork shoulder: ?: Just awesome.

Truffles: Et Voila!: Best cocoa powder dusted truffle of all time

Sausage pizza: Armand's pizzeria: Regularly good pizza, too heavy too early

Poached rockfish: Redwoods: Slimy, good, not great

Filet Mignon sandwich: Morton's: Good steak, too much bread in the sandwich. Not the best.

Lamb: Lebanese Taverna Restaurants: Surprisingly tasteless. Very disappointing

Three types of grilled meats (steak, ground beef, chicken): Kababji grill: Blow your mind incredible. Best food of the night.

Chicken leg: Don't know (Christina grabbed this one for me): Pretty good. Too full on other meat to truly enjoy

Goat cheese gaufre and chocolate/whipped cream gaufre: Can't remember: Goat cheese gaufre was pretty bad, the other one was really good.

Chocolate ice cream: Ben and Jerrys: boring, because I've had it before

Salty chocolate, chocolate panda: Edward Marc Chocolatier: The salty chocolate was too salty, the panda was good.

Beef Kebab: Can't remember: Really good! Too bad I can't remember where it came from.

Sadly, this means I only sampled about 20 percent of the restaurants. Some were serving soups or breads which are terrible for such an event, but there were about 10-15 restaurants that we missed because, alas, I just didn't have a big enough stomach. First time that I wished I was fatter.

We also saw Duff Goldman judge three cakes and Christina got her toe stepped on by some teacher at the International Culinary Arts School. That's how close we were to the judging.

17 days of MMJ

2010-05-17T21:14:00.002-05:00

It has been 17 days since I saw My Morning Jacket. Since that time, I downloaded the bootleg of the concert and listened to it nonstop on the Metrobus to and from work. I put the old MMJ mix CD of Christina's in the car and have listened to it nonstop. This included subjecting my children to "O is the One that is Real" on repeat to and from t-ball until they finally gave in and started air drumming. I don't even have a desire to listen to anything else. For months I've been lamenting that I haven't found a new band to really get into. So, this is pretty awesome. And yes, I'm probably going to rejoin emusic, get 75 free songs, blow them all on MMJ, and then hope that in six months I don't hate them.

My Morning Jacket 5/1/10 at Merriweather

2010-05-04T23:38:00.000-05:00

Sat night. My Morning Jacket. My brother-in-law was in town and we were looking for something cool to do and I saw that MMJ was playing at Merriweather Post Pavillion. I knew two things about MMJ: 1) They were rumored to be good live and 2) I had listened to about 15 songs of theirs and had no clue if I liked them or not. Still, seemed like a good idea.

So, Derek, KC, Andrew, and I went. And it was more than a good idea. It was probably one of the best ideas I've had in a while. See, most of the tracks that I had heard of MMJ were from some beat up CD that Matt A. had given to Christina called "Random Tracks I got From Kyle." This was as of 2002. The music was spare, mellow, and the vocals were pretty weird. Well, from the opening chords of the concert, I realized that I needed to unlearn everything I knew about the Jackets.

There's no better way to describe the first half of the show than a straight up slab of awesome rock and roll. Loud, grooving, dynamic, melodic, and most of all, spontaneous. Excellent guitar work, excellent solos, dueling guitars, all the stuff that I've just seen on VH1 classic rock concerts, but never in person (and the solos and jam sessions didn't descend into laughable self-indulgence as some of those classic rock band concerts do). Then there was this shift to a more psychedelic half of the concert, where the guitars were layered and textured and every song was a slow build to awesomeness. It was like I was in a Cure concert or something. (Well, at least the Cure concert I saw in Hyde Park where every song featured a slow build to awesomeness via guitar layers and textures.) Part III was when they brought out the Preservation Hall Jazz Band of New Orleans and it all turned into some big band extravaganza (which is cool to me in concert, but not in recordings).

Jim James was impressive. (Derek astutely commented that he looked like a cross between Lindsey Buckingham and a Walmart greeter. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but he obviously thought that one through, so I'm going with it. See the picture above that I found on someone else's blog about the concert and tell me if Derek is right.) Good vocals, good guitarwork, good stage presence.

Here's how I can tell that I really loved the concert. If I don't know a band, I'll usually dislike them in concert. I usually only really like a concert if I know all of the band's stuff. After the concert, I have been listening to MMJ as often as possible. I am a MMJ convert thanks to the concert. That's how good it was.

The Postscript: From the time I first began attending concerts at seventeen, I've always thought, "If I were a band, I would provide a free sonic souvenir to everyone at the concert. Give them a copy of the concert right after the show." Thanks to the ubiquity of personal recording devices, my dream has become a reality. Some guy recorded the whole thing and posted it on the web, so I've been listening to the concert over and over. It's a great recording and it really does help bring back the memories. All hail the internet era.

Setlist

01. Kentucky Derby call > intro >
02. One Big Holiday
03. Gideon
04. Off The Record
05. I'm Amazed
06. Mahgeetah
07. Tonight I Want to Celebrate With You
08. Golden
09. What a Wonderful Man
10. Lay Low
11. The Way That He Sings
12. Wonderful (The Way I Feel)
13. Carried Away
14. Steam Engine
15. Smokin From Shootin >
16. Run Thru >
17. Touch Me I'm Going To Scream Pt. 2
18. Anytime
19. E: Wordless
20. Carnival Time *
21. Dancefloors
22. Move On Up

Concert recording:
http://www.archive.org/details/mmj2010-05-01

(you can listen to each song from the concert, but can't see which song is playing...)

Good review of the concert from the Sun: http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/midnight_sun/blog/2010/05/concert_review_my_morning_jack.html

Ego Tripping

2010-05-04T21:52:00.003-05:00

The other month, I fell half asleep on the bus while listening to Yellow Ledbetter and had this half dream that my head was enveloped in a cloud and I was lifted to heaven.

Today, I fell half asleep while listening to Ego Tripping at the Gates of Hell by the Flaming Lips. My half dream consisted of Winnie the Pooh lecturing Tigger who was sitting in a hole in the rain. Oh, did I mention that they were wearing Soviet uniforms? Earlier today, I nodded off during my lunch break and had a dream that I was being psychoanalyzed by Alec Baldwin who had a huge Karl Marx beard.

I'm going to try to up the ante tomorrow. No sleep tonight, and then Lincoln's Eyes by Mercury Rev on the bus. Wish me luck.

Old Man Nathan Got It Only Slightly Wrong

2010-03-21T14:31:00.002-05:00

The Prophecy: "Watch for the day where the score is tied at halftime, where the crowd begins to buzz at the sighting of solid play by role players. The game will remain in doubt through the second half. At the time when triumph seems imminent, opposing guards will drive with impunity into the lane. Big men will begin shooting ill-advised three pointers early in the shot clock. Tall skinny white forwards will make critical mental errors and turn the ball over. And thus will the season sink...BEEEWWWAAAAARRRREEEE"

The Reality: The score was tied with around five minutes left in the first half, there was some solid play by Haws and Emery. Kansas State blitzed them at the end of the first half with deadeye shooting by Pullen and overall general incompetence on the part of BYU's offense. Opposing guards were able to drive with impunity into the lane (how many times was Fredette seen five feet behind his man on defense after being juked into oblivion?), which then turned into kick-outs for three. Tall skinny white forwards made plenty of critical mental errors (see Hartsock and Miles NEVER being able to pull down critical rebounds, generally acting like their hands were made of stone on routine plays, and making some of the ugliest post moves I've ever seen.)

Of course, the greatest Moby Dick parallel was Jimmer Fredette's obsession to be the Man, to match Pullen dagger for dagger instead of facilitating the offense. Every offensive possession in the second half consisted of him spending at least fifteen seconds dribbling around trying to get into the lane for his own shot, which stalled the offense. And there was the "Ahab strapped to Moby Dick, waving to the rest of the crew" moment when BYU was down six and they were in semi-transition, and Fredette launched basically a turnaround three from about 25 feet, and the rest of the team all cried "Let's all shoot bad three pointers for a while!" resulting in the sinking of the season.

Oh, and I love how on the Deseret News, the writers keep wondering if this is the best team BYU has ever had. If this is the best, then there is no hope.

Post-Electric Blues takes the top spot

2010-03-14T18:28:00.003-05:00

I knew I was being presumptuous when I declared Vib Gyor as the band of the year. And while The Stalker may be the song of the year (even though I'm too lazy to track down to find out if it was officially released in 2009), I'm going to officially declare that Idlewild's Post-Electric Blues is the album of the year. You knew it was just a matter of time before I released an official comment on the album.

Official comment: Post-Electric Blues is pretty enjoyable and grows in strength and power with each listen (it's as if it's one of those crazy horsemen in the Book of Three who get stronger as the more of them are killed, like every time I listen, an evil horseman dies making the album even stronger. Maybe it's because every time I listen, I'm not listening to another band which makes them die, enlivening Idlewild). I wasn't into it the first time I listened to it, but I just can't stop listening. Perhaps it's because I'm not as into the first couple of tracks on the album, but once you hit track three, the rest of the album is flat out fantastic. (Of special note are tracks 4 and 6, which seems heavily influenced by Roddy's solo work, of which I am generally a big fan. I really really love Take Me Back to the Islands, especially when I turn it on when sitting in traffic on a Metrobus.)

Gunning for that great white whale

2010-03-14T13:42:00.003-05:00

*A bar in Ames, Iowa. Two Iowa State frat boys are eagerly looking over the recently released NCAA brackets in between various drinking-related initiation activities.*

Thad: OK, Marcus, what do you think about the BYU-Florida matchup? I mean, it's a 7-10 which means it's basically a toss-up.

Marcus: Yeah, but Andy Katz and Pat Forde at ESPN are pretty high on the Cougars. And Dicky V. has said positive things about this Fredette guy. I mean, did you see that he dropped 49 on Arizona at Arizona? I don't care how bad the 'Cats were this year, that's pretty freaking incredible.

Thad: And then he went and did it again against TCU in the MWC tourney. OK, just 45, but he knows how to carry a team on his back.

Marcus: Plus Emery's like a glove on D. And that freshman Miles is really coming on. I think first round, no-brainer. The question is whether to put them through to the Sweet six...wha???

*Old man in filthy rags appears at the bar*

Old man: A pox upon you! Place no bets on this devil team! They are cursed, doomed. Fore'er shall they play in the tournament and ne'er again shall they win a first round game.

Thad: C'mon old man! Why such crazy talk? I mean, they really only lost games where they had major injuries/sicknesses. If everyone's healthy, they're fine.

Old man: So say ye. But so said others before ye. Remember ye this decade? All gone, all gone, all lost, all victims of mental weakness at the MWC tournament turning to underseeding in the tournament, turned to rust. Let the semifinal loss be a sign to you!

Marcus: Nah, this team's different. They'll be seeded higher than those other BYU teams.

Old man: Watch for the day where the score is tied at halftime, where the crowd begins to buzz at the sighting of solid play by role players. The game will remain in doubt through the second half. At the time when triumph seems imminent, opposing guards will drive with impunity into the lane. Big men will begin shooting ill-advised three pointers early in the shot clock. Tall skinny white forwards will make critical mental errors and turn the ball over. And thus will the season sink...BEEEWWWAAAAARRRREEEE

Thad: Whatever, I'm outta here. Let's go Marcus.

Marcus *pausing, looking back*: What's your name, old man?

Old Man: They call me...Nathan.

(Anyone who can figure out why he's Nathan gets a digimedal.)

I stare into the eye of Snowverkill and it pees down its leg

2010-02-10T20:52:00.002-05:00

We went sledding. In a laundry basket. For like an hour. Take that, blizzard conditions. No different then when they would send us out to recess at Orchard Elementary when the wind was so wicked that the blowing snow felt like needles on your face. Not only do I not remember any snow days in elementary school, I think there were only a handful of red flag days for lunch recess. I mean, we played in some pretty cruel weather. (I use the word "play" loosely. It's more like "wandered around looking for shelter on the blacktop which offered none.") There was one day in fifth grade when the infamous Alaskan Clipper hit and the wind chill was at -60. They still had school that day. (Although it was a red flag day.)

DC: Murder-free since the beginning of February!

2010-02-10T11:01:00.005-05:00

The DC police chief just announced that DC has been murder-free for the entire month of February (10 days)!

Is it a result of keeping everyone off the street so drug deals aren't going bad, people aren't walking the streets waiting to be mugged, thugs aren't cruising the streets looking for a scrap? (You would think that all the potential murderers sitting at home are eventually going to snap after being cooped up with friends and family for the last week or so. Which leads us to Christina's astute observation that we''ll only know that there weren't any murders until after the inevitable Big Thaw. Yes, I know, that sounds like the set-up of a Law and Order episode.

"Wow, it's unseasonably hot today. All the snow is melting..."

"Is that a hand sticking out of that rapidly melting snowbank?"

"ARGH!"

*cue Law and Order music*)

PG County looks into the face of Snowmageddon and pees down its leg

2010-02-08T20:41:00.005-05:00

Borders mean so much. Skeptics might yell out of a passing bus, "You're only a mile from the PG County line! That's practically PG County! You didn't escape"

But the difference. OH! The difference! For the unaware, Snowmageddon blew in on Friday night, took up residence in the guest bedroom, and promptly took a 2 foot dump. And, like all unwelcome house guests, he fled quickly, leaving the rest of us to clean up. Today was the first day we left the house and we drove to the church to do some shoveling. Yes, the trip required us to venture into PG County.

New Hampshire to Adelphi. Two lanes perfectly clear.

Adelphi to East-West Highway. A mess. An absolute mess, with 3 inches of ice covering most of the road.

On the way back, it took us about 40 minutes to get from East-West to Riggs. Turned onto Riggs....and the pavement was completely clear. Powder Mill...completely clear.

I don't demand much of a county. Good schools, clear the roads. That's it. MoCo delivers, PG fails badly. I would love to know why. My cynical self says that it's not incompetence, but it's more likely that somehow my old nemesis Jack Johnson has a cozy deal with whomever is contracted to plow the streets. Love for someone to look into this.

Band of 2009 part II

2010-02-02T21:25:00.003-05:00

I am horribly behind. I don't think I officially announced the album of the year and the song of the year from 2008, even though I'm pretty sure that the album of 2008 was Do You Like Rock Music and I'm not sure what the song of the year was. I was pretty convinced it was Lights Out for Darker Skies, but then Okkervil River came out with Lost Coastlines and I'm embarrassed to admit that I really dig The Story by Brandi Carlile. Oh, and I never had the chance to hash out the second best album of the year (which, as of last tally, seemed like it was a battle between The Standard's Swimmer, Travis's Ode to J Smith, James's Hey Ma, Shearwater's Rooks, and, oh never mind, there were a passel of other great albums).

2009 seemed like a weird year. Muse and Wilco did not really release stellar albums. U2's is good but not like knock your socks off. And I must not have put much effort into listening to music this year, because I don't have definitive opinions about a number of other albums I listened to. So, because I'm confused, here's my confusing decision. I chose a band of the year.

2009 Band of the year: Vib Gyor. Who? Seriously. I have no idea why I'm choosing them except that I can't stop listening to them. They're new. They're unknown. They sound like a mash-up of Radiohead, Muse, and Starsailor. Strangely, they sound like what Better Than Ezra could have been if they had continued down the path of How Does Your Garden Grow. Worse, this choice seems to be something that Pitchfork would do. Choose an unknown band and hype them up as the best of the year just because it's cool to say that an unknown band is the best.

I have no arguments. I'll probably hate them in a year.

Band of 2009

2010-02-02T21:12:00.002-05:00

Malthus: Did you hear?

Kaynes: (closes his newspaper, strokes his neck beard) There's a rumor. Unsubstantiated, of course

Malthus: Oh, of course. But could it be?

*Gainsborough runs up breathlessly*

Gainsborough: I saw it on the big board! It's true! It's true!

Malthus: (excitedly) It's on the big board? Impossible! Never!

*Robespierre and Rob Van Winkle drive by. Robespierre waves a telegram*

Robespierre: Here it is! The official announcement! I received it only a few minutes ago

*Malthus chases after the car*

Malthus: Let me see! I cannot believe it! I won't believe it!

*Van Winkle stalls the car, stumbles out and falls into the river. As the current sweeps him away he yells out...*

Van Winkle: Viiiiibbb Gyooooooooooooor!

Malthus: Vib Gyor. I was afraid it was so.

Kaynes: So it ends.

Music for strange doings in the woods

2009-12-04T21:39:00.002-05:00

Every Clinic song is a mini-soundtrack of a witch's sabbath or some occult happening or druids dancing at Stonehenge or ancient man dancing all together or maybe an awesome Indian dance around the campfire. (This is probably because every Clinic song sounds the same and every album sounds the same. It's true! There's a song on Visitations that is exactly the same as a song on Walking With Thee just with different lyrics!) Anyway, as I listen to these songs, I just have these awesomely choreographed moves popping in my head. What we really need is someone who does all those R+B videos to make a video for the Clinic, with people dancing around a campfire, dressed in druidic robes, doing all sorts of awesome circular dancing and scythe waving. Below is a smattering of Clinic tracks and you tell me if this isn't just a modern version of the fifth movement of Symphonie Fantastique.

(I got this from Wikipedia on Berlioz's program notes for the fifth movement: "He sees himself at a witches’ sabbath, in the midst of a hideous gathering of shades, sorcerers and monsters of every kind who have come together for his funeral. Strange sounds, groans, outbursts of laughter; distant shouts which seem to be answered by more shouts. The beloved melody appears once more, but has now lost its noble and shy character; it is now no more than a vulgar dance tune, trivial and grotesque: it is she who is coming to the sabbath… Roar of delight at her arrival… She joins the diabolical orgy…" Yep, that sounds like what I'm imagining happening during every Clinic song.)

The Rise and Fall of Better Than Ezra

2009-12-04T20:41:00.004-05:00

December 2, 1998

I was a freshman in college. The previous month I had seen Garbage at the Wasatch Events Center, the previous day I had seen Depeche Mode at the Delta Center. For my first semester band trifecta, Eric Jacobson and I went to see Better Than Ezra up at Club DV8 on their How Does Your Garden Grow? tour. Tickets were only available through 107.5 and you had to win them at their various promotion events. We each hit the bullseye with darts, each won two tickets, each failed to find a girl to come with us with our extra tickets. (So, so pathetic, eighteen year old self.)

I was stoked. Why? A) Deluxe was the first non-REM, non-U2 CD I bought. BTE was the first band I had found on my own. B) I was a card-carrying Ezralite. That's right. I joined their fan club so early that my initial mailing were actually addressed by hand. I received their special Christmas cassette featuring the Eggnog Singalong and Happy Christmas Eve, a signed picture of the band, and a lyric book to Friction, Baby. I bought a special club shirt that I wore for years. (High school friends should remember the maroon shirt with the exercise bike with a dog foot.) I'm pretty sure I even left my BTE fan club card in my wallet on my mission. (I know that I kept the BTE guitar pick in my wallet on my mission.) C) I had bought How Does Your Garden Grow? the day it came out, (Eric and I had done this with Friction, Baby as well. I miss the days of going to the record shop to buy a hotly anticipated CD.) and HDYGG was a huge leap forward for the band. No longer was it just straight ahead rock. There were songs that were louder than anything before (Pull), there was a song suite that went from hard to Radiohead (New Kind of Low part A/B, part B being one of the greatest Kevin Griffin moments of all time), there was weird dance stuff (Like it Like that), dark, X-filish stuff (One More Murder), and just generally strong tunes with interesting atmospherics. I remember giddily telling Eric after listening to the record for the first time, "We are watching a band evolve into greatness! This is incredible!" I felt a part of something special. Oh, and there was this killer picture on the CD sleeve.

That's right! Best band photo of all time.

Eric and I were the first ones in line. We were the first ones in. We went straight to the front of the stage. BTE played for two and a half hours. They covered AC/DC, they joked around, they did all sorts of crazy stuff that I have written down somewhere back home. That's right, I went home and wrote down all the great Kevin lines and all the awesome things they did, that's how into I was. The crowd was intense, jumping, hollering. It might still be the best interaction between crowd and band I've seen. In fact, it might be my favorite concert of all time. I'd have to think harder to see if there was a better one. Anyway, I left convinced that BTE was the best American band alive.

I went to the Philippines. I found a BTE shirt that I wore a lot over the next few years, one that my dad dubbed the "Unholy Trinity" shirt. I was still all in. When I got home, Closer was out. I was pumped. I was all set to buy it at Media Play, but there was something disconcerting about the picture on the back, so I found a listening station and started listening...

Argh! Treachery! Three of the first four tracks are summery fun crap songs! I felt dirty, like I liked Sugar Ray or Lit or someone. But...there were a couple of decent songs still on the record, so I bought it. I still saw them twice in Vegas on their Closer tour...

I had great hopes for a resurgence on their album Before the Robots. They had moved to an indie label having been dropped by their previous label, they had dropped in popularity...surely they would recognize Closer as a mis-step and go back to making killer music like HDYGG. Not to mention that the album title seemed weird and post-apocalyptic. Nope. Suddenly, Kevin was writing run-of-the-mill mid-tempo ballads with awful lyrics. The production was boring. Burned sounded like Swing, Swing. They recycled A Lifetime. The only really great song was Overcome. I was broken. But...but...Overcome showed promise! Maybe the next album...

The next album (Paper Empire) has come. Allmusic wrote: "Again, there's not much that's flashy here, but that's to Better Than Ezra's benefit, as they wind up with a set of solid mainstream rock." That's their epitaph. I don't need to say more (yes I do...it's a terrible, boring record). A band with enormous potential and great momentum at the end of the 1990s is a boring broken shell of itself.

A throwback harvest

2009-12-04T20:07:00.003-05:00

Behold the harvest! 'Tis similar, based on published reports, to those first miserable harvests of the pilgrims back in the 1620s. Yes, we planted late, and yes, we failed to make friends with the natives, and yes, we failed to bury dead fish, as Dave so astutely pointed out. For those of you who have never gotten your hands dirty in this ugly business of growing your own food (to whom I say, as the crazy lady in church did years ago, "Go out from Babylon, people!" She and her clan eventually did just that, purchasing an old Greyhound bus and moving to Montana. I would certainly love to see the stats on "people living in compounds as a percent of the total population" for states like Montana, the Dakotas, and Idaho), let me introduce you to the harvest.

Top Row: Vinny, Stanley, Maurice, Harold, Michael, Fredo, Sonny, and Manny Radish.
Bottom Row: The Carrot Boys (Ian and Seamus) and the Onion Twins (Homer and Omer)

And this is their group picture AFTER getting cleaned up. As you might guess, they didn't last long in civil society and were unceremoniously dumped into the mulch pile.

And thus it ends. No more posts about the yarden, the harvest, the battle with Lord Frith. I will spend the winter in my own personal hibernation, reading books about efforts to sequence the radish genome to produce a more robust crop.

The South Rises Again

2009-11-16T21:22:00.002-05:00

So, just try and follow this. I am teaching a lesson in Sunday School on Sunday about the armor of God. One of the subjects is immorality. One of the listed problems of immorality is disease. Being a data junkie, I wanted to know what percent of the US population has an STD. (I love harrowing statistics.) In my searching, I found this fascinating chart of, well, I guess one could call it the Chlamydia belt. Or, as Christina said when she saw the chart, "Why are you looking at...*pause*, ew, what is wrong with the South?" Seriously, as if losing the Civil War wasn't bad enough...

Phase V: Neglect

2009-11-15T21:08:00.006-05:00

After battling the pokeweed, the mosquitoes, the ivy, the weeds, I had serious hope for the yarden. As Ben Bernanke was claiming there were green shoots in the economy, so were there green shoots in the yarden! But the evil specter on unemployment came upon the yarden in the form of a pair of vile rodents. Yes, rabbits! Monstrous, floppy-eared, remorseless rabbits that assaulted the yarden in late September and October. As the days grew shorter, I was forced to rely on my Saturdays to assess the state of my yarden. But many a Saturday was ruined by rain. When I finally could check, the lettuce had been entirely eaten away. Few of the cucumber plants remained and these were limp and lifeless. When Christina asked one night, "Doug, how are your crops? You must attend to your crops!" I looked up mournfully and said, "General Lee, I have no division." (This did not, in fact, actually happen. But I would like to think I felt a fraction of what Pickett felt on July 3, 1863 after observing the complete annihilation of two crops and the severe reduction in the forces of the onions and the carrots.)

The current status is thus: A few onions and carrots have perservered and I have attempted to weed around them. The veritable iron brigade of the crops has been the radishes. They have resisted rabbits, falling branches, hooliganism, deer, and weeds to produce a possible bumper crop. Christina actually dug one up and ate it, proclaiming that it "tasted like a radish" which is more than I could have possibly hoped. (Before this, the closest we had come to eating one of the crops was when we held a dead carrot plant and observed that it "smelled like a carrot.") And therein lies the germ of hope. With a successful radish crop, we now feel confident to move on! No more nurturing of pokeweeds! No more placating the wildlife! We will prevail!

Happy Birthday, Harris Malden

2009-11-15T20:14:00.003-05:00

On Friday, we were lamenting yet another Paul Blart-less weekend. (Any time we remember, we check the library and the local redbox to try and score a copy of Paul Blart. Never around. Why do we want to see Paul Blart? Because the previews for it looked terrible, so I predicted it would flop. And then when it came out, it hung around the top ten for weeks, and ending up making 146 million, something like 40 million more than Watchmen. Now, I've gotta see how a movie that seemed like it had no audience made 146 million.) So, we looked around Hulu and Christina chose two movies. 1) Heart and Souls, which has to have one of the most boring opening 45 minutes and 2) Happy Birthday, Harris Malden.

You might ask, "What is Happy Birthday, Harris Malden"?

And I will answer, "Oh, just the most surprisingly great movie I've seen in a long time."

I would put in the same class as Lars and the Real Girl, but funnier and less poignant or maybe Napoleon Dynamite, except more low-key. (So, basically, your low-budget innovative indie comedy.) The basic plot is this: Man draws on facial hair every morning because he can't grow facial hair after an incident with fire that gave him a scar on his upper lip when he was five. If that's not enough of a hook for you, than you'll most likely hate the movie and shouldn't watch it anyway. (Although not the center of the story, I think the best moments feature Harris's younger brother Melvin and his modeling career.)

That's all I've really got to say about it. Be ye warned all those in-laws to whom I will be giving Christmas presents this year.

The First Goal

2009-11-10T20:55:00.003-05:00

He corralled the ball to the right of the goal, dribbled in front, and let forth a ferocious kick. With that one kick, he tied his old man's goal total from his playing days in the Orem rec league, AND earned that everybody's-a-winner trophy they give out at the end of the season. So, all those hours training in the backyard in the dead of winter, all those footwork drills, all those trips to the track to race against 8 and 9 year olds finally paid off.

(It was a seriously awesome parental moment.)

It's getting a little pathetic

2009-11-09T21:53:00.003-05:00

I don't like jumping on bandwagons. But I think that if a bandwagon passed by where someone yelled out, "Hey, this is the let's-criticize-the-Obama-administration-for-their-terrible-handling-of-swine-flu-vaccines bandwagon!" I would toss down my rake and hop on that bandwagon. (Assuming the rest of the party had been vaccinated for swine flu.) This is one of those moments where, yes, I think we do have some people to blame. I'm not sure who exactly should be blamed in the administration, whether it be the officials who boldly proclaimed that we would have 150 million doses of the vaccine by the beginning of October (as of now, there are 36 million doses) or the officials who made sure to declare that this is a national emergency and to encourage that people go get non-existent vaccines. Both sets of officials deserve the George W. Bush "Heckuva Job, Brownie" Award for incompetence. Yeah, I get that there are vagaries to the development of vaccines. But you've managed to create a huge demand for the vaccine, and then administered the distribution of the vaccine in an incredibly haphazard way. Basically, each time a clinic in Montgomery County gets a shipment of the vaccine, hordes descend upon the site because there is no telling when the next batch will become available. It doesn't even really seem like local officials have an idea of where the next offering will be.

I'm just saying, if swine flu had been a much more potent strain, this would have been an absolute disaster. Seeing how thousands are descending on clinics, desperation would be breeding riots. (On another note, does Citigroup have 1200 women, let alone 1200 young people up to 24, people caring for infants under six months, and pregnant women? What a crock.)

The secret bathroom

2009-11-09T21:35:00.002-05:00

Faced with a line in the one men's room available at the Washington Marriott during the APPAM conference, I did something rash. I walked up to the man at the front desk and said "Do you have a bathroom available?" He looked at me slyly and said, "I'll tell you what. You seem like a desperate fella. Here's a key to the gym on the third floor. There are two bathrooms in there. Just don't tell anyone." The bathroom was awesome.

Moral: If you need to use a bathroom, talk to someone at the hotel front desk. (My morals do not pretend to have external validity.)

When I gave the guy the key back, he said, "Excuse me, sir, what room is this for?" I just looked at him with a blank look. Then a knowing look crossed his face and he said, "Oh, riiiiiiiiight."

Moral II: If you don't answer people, they often supply their own answer. (OK, so this moral's more generalizable. I wouldn't try out this moral in a job interview, however.)

Publication!

2009-11-09T21:31:00.002-05:00

First peer-reviewed journal article that I co-wrote was published a couple of weeks ago in the latest issue of the Policy Studies Journal. It's called Income Transfers Alone Won't Eradicate Poverty and can be found at http://www3.interscience.wiley.com/journal/122657752/abstract

Spot for the Bearded Flannel Guy

2009-11-09T21:14:00.002-05:00

I have asserted in the past that a good music collection is much like a good basketball team in that it can contain fringey role players, but at the core, it needs to have some all-stars. (In other words, you can't say that Vampire Weekend is a foundation of your collection any more than you could say that JJ Reddick is the man to build your team around.)

I will now assert that a music collection is like a gathering (I hate the term "party") of your friends and acquaintances. (If you are like me and have never witnessed a mighty gathering of your friends and acquaintances, then just populate your imagination.) A mighty gathering really needs to have a sad sack in the corner. You need the sad sack to just add a beautiful contrasting streak of bitterness and anger to the generally jovial proceedings around him. (The more I write this, I realize how I was the token sad sack among my friends at various dances and parties in my teenage years. This is harrowing and awesome.) You just need the one so that when people go near him and he offers a despondent comment, people just laugh, pat him on the back, and move on. Two or more sad sacks may make things a little too blue. Musically, these are the bebearded beflanneled be-acoustic guitarish type persons. You don't need more than one in the collection because they all serve the same purpose.

In my music collection, this role is amply filled by Dolorean. When people bring up Iron and Wine or Bon Iver, I kindly but firmly point out the position has been filled, so please move along.

Year of non-existence

2009-10-20T19:48:00.005-05:00

When the Census Workers come to my house in 2010, I will celebrate their arrival with feasting and song. For they shall be the ones who validate my existence for the next decade. This is important to me because for the last decade, I have been a man within the country but not acknowledged by the country. One accessing the 2000 Census files would find me not for I was one of the Lost Utah 11,000, wandering foreign lands, and who came home only to find that our country had pretended that we were not. And so, I've haunted this land, moving across the country, moaning and shrieking, freaking people out because I do not, officially, exist. And while I will be counted in 2010, there are others like me who will not be counted. So, despite the dubious constitutionality of Sen. Hatch's proposed amendment to the 2010 Census, I salute him for bringing it up. (Oh, and let's all hail the awesome recent editorial of the NY Times for trying to stir up some Mormon Bogeyman angst among liberals. If you counted Mormon missionaries, would you have to count people in the Peace Corps? And with Mormons most likely being conservative and Peace Corps persons most likely being liberal, wouldn't they just cancel each other out?)

Barack Obama and the Nobel Peace Prize of Fire

2009-10-10T22:25:00.003-05:00

In an amazing life-imitates-art moment, Barack Obama's name was tossed into the ring for the Nobel Peace Prize and darn it if those Norwegians didn't give him the prize! Much like Harry Potter's nomination for the Tri-Wizard Tournament, his opposition is trashing him for arrogance and inexperience while even his closest friends are a little baffled (Robert Gibbs, the press secretary, supposedly had no clue that this was a possibility).

So, sure, I think we all realize that President Obama hasn't really done much for peace since his inauguration. The US is still in Iraq and Afghanistan, North Korea and Iran are still pushing forward on nuclear programs, and he hasn't really negotiated any major ceasefires. But the weird thing is that he was nominated for the prize way back in February when he hadn't even had the chance to do anything! Basically, the award is for making speeches about how important talking to other countries is.

So, who is the possessed Mad-Eye Moody who's setting President Obama up by nominating him for the prize and most likely rigging the voting? My guess is it's Fidel. Fidel's been oddly supportive of Obama since he became president and supported him winning the Peace Prize. Which means that there's a 60/40 chance that the Prize is actually a portkey which will suck President Obama to a lonely graveyard in Hampstead in north London, where he will witness Kim-Jong Il cut off his hand to reanimate Karl Marx. Don't take the prize, Mr. President. Just take the cash.

Degree 3: Andrew and Molly up high

2009-10-10T10:56:00.002-05:00

Editor's note: Andrew's original commentary was a two-and-a-half page Word document. I have pared it down

I’m not a big concert goer. I grew up in Hawaii, and not many performers include Hawaii in their touring schedule. So when U2, one of the biggest bands in the world, scheduled a concert not 20 minutes from where I live, I couldn’t pass it up. We got tickets for the nosebleed section, partly because they were the cheapest and partly because we didn’t want to do the whole cramming, standing, jumping, hollering, fist pumping, head-banging thing.

Despite leaving work a little early to get there in time, we hit traffic and were a little late. It wouldn’t have been that bad except I really wanted to see the opening band—Muse. In fact, Muse was the tipping point for me to buy tickets.

We didn’t arrive until about 7:30, but lucky for us, Muse didn’t start playing until around that time. As could be expected, the balance was not great. Regardless, I thought it was awesome! Molly, on the other hand, was unimpressed.

The whole night we were fascinated by the diverse crowd that U2 pulls in—from elementary school kids to grandparents and white trash to uppity socialites that looked like they got lost on their way to the Kennedy Center. Having older parents in front of proved to be ideal because they never stood up during the show, which meant that we could sit or stand as we pleased and still see everything.

Before I talk about the music, let me just say that the set was awesome! (and a little hard to describe, so bear with me). A large cylindrical screen was suspended over the stage and projected live footage, graphics and prepared montages, all overlaid with cool video effects. About halfway through the concert, the screen came apart in hexagon pieces and slowly descended around the stage, all the while projecting video and effects. It was awesome! Above and around the stage and screen was a massive, four-legged, green and orange claw. And of course, there was plenty of smoke, flashing colorful lights, and spotlights swirling around the stadium and shooting up into the sky. For all of this, I think being in the nosebleed section was better than being in the crowd on the floor. It offered us a commanding view of the entire, impressive scene. At times it was just as cool to watch the crowd, with the soft light illuminating their pumping fists and singing faces.

I didn’t recognize most of their newer songs, so my favorites were their older ones that I recognized, like “Stuck In A Moment,” “Mysterious Ways,” “I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For,” and “Beautiful Day.” If I had to pick a favorite, it would be “Stuck in Moment,” which Bono and The Edge did acoustically. Very cool. Even though we had seats, several songs brought us to our feet to dance and sing along. There was a couple in front of us (I think one of them was a kid of the older parents) who got really in to it.

One thing that’s cool about the concert experience is that songs take on a new depth of meaning. I’ve heard these songs many times before, but this time I think I experienced more of what the band meant to express when they composed them. Bono’s monologues between songs also added context and meaning to each song. He gave shout outs to various political figures and spoke to several social and political injustices.

We left before the encores. It wasn’t ideal, but Molly had hurt her back about a week before the concert, so she was lucky to be able to sit for as long as she did

At work the next day, it was cool to talk about the concert with my co-workers and be able to say, “Yeah, I went to the concert with my wife.” One of my co-workers who went got punched in the face by a drunk guy who was harassing his friend.

Overall, it was a very cool experience.

Degree 2: Christina and Doug in the Red Zone

2009-10-08T19:32:00.000-05:00

We arrived at 6:20, got our tickets and proceeded down to the field. The Red Zone was pretty empty when we got there, but the prime spots on the railing were taken. After a brief meander to get a couple of hot dogs and check out our "Red Zone amenities" (which included Red Zone port a potties and a small merch booth), we headed back to what we considered would be the best location for watching the band.

A brief side note: there was the stage. A runway circled the stage. There were GA tickets within the circle created by the runway. The Red Zone GA spots were to the left and right of the stage on the outside of the circular runway. We were in Red Zone right which was good because that was the Edge side and not Adam Clayton side.

Anywho, we chose a spot behind a couple of people who were sitting down and we figured that when they stood up, there would be room for Christina to at least squeeze to the railing. Well, when they stood up, it turned out that they were about 6'5" and although skinny, their lankage took up quite a bit of room on the railings. (Next to them, in even more prime railing spots were grandparents who had brought their grandkids to the show. The grandkids were twentysomething. The grandparents were seventysomething. We thought that the old man was going to give up the ghost halfway through Muse, but, being of the Greatest Generation, he showed real tenacity and stuck it out through the whole show.) Behind us were forty-year-old women, one of whom was plastered from the get go and kept telling us she was going to dance with Bono. It was funny the first time, tedious the 50th time.

Muse was great. But this is about U2, so moving on...

Overall, the show was killer. Bono was really dynamic. The fascinating thing about being so close is that you could tell that all the speaking in between songs was because he was trying to catch his breath. The great thing about the giant crustacean stage was that the speakers were on the body of the crustacean, which made for a pretty good mix. Less muddied than I expected.

So, one of the most spectacular moments of the show was one of the most unexpected. Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of. Acoustic. The Edge and Bono. It was really awesome, the reason why you go to shows. we just sat there transfixed and when it finished we both turned to each and said "Wow! That was awesome!" It's funny because I've always liked the song, but this version just pushed it to new heights.

Another song that benefited from the concert experience was I'll Go Crazy if I Don't Go Crazy Tonight which, honestly, on the album, is kind of flaccid, considering the lyrics. They turned it more dancey/ravish and it was pretty cool, especially because we got to see both Larry (with some kind of African drum) and Adam come by on the runway. (Overall, Bono and the Edge come by about five times, and Adam come by about three times.)

Vertigo and Elevation were really great too. Vertigo may have the most inane lyrics of all time, but it was killer live. (Bono introduced it by saying something about "We're going to teach you Spanish, Irish-style.")

Loved the Amazing Grace before Where the Streets Have No Names. The Edge launching into that opening of Streets was chillworthy.

You could tell by the end of the concert that Bono's vox was shot. During With or Without You he had the crowd sing a lot while he swung on his mic suspended from the crustacean.

Being down on the field really gave a different feel to the stadium concert. It was difficult to tell if the whole crowd was singing along or if they were being crazy or dull. Basically, we could only tell what the interior section was doing and the people directly around us. So, while missing out on the wide panorama views that can make stadium concerts feel like a crazy Kumbaya singalong, we got to experience the close-up, club feel for a huge event, which made it completely worth it.

This is filmed by someone in the inner circle...if you were able to blow up the crowd after the Edge and Larry cross the bridge, you could probably see us...

Degree 1: Cristian and Suzanne inside the runway circle

2009-10-06T20:19:00.002-05:00

From Cristian and Suzanne:

Here is our summary:

1) We were inside the circle in front of Bono, with our backs one person
away from the ramp. It was awesome, people (at least there) were jumping
and being crazy.

2) Muse...so, so. Two songs very good. The rest, too "trying to be Joe
Satriani" (and they are not, of course) for my taste. Overall we did not
like their sound.

3) U2 was fantastic, we loved it. Probably the best rock show you can go to.

4) However they are getting old and that, together with the DC apathy
(which at the same time allowed us to go there at 2:30 and still get right
in front), affected the overall experience.

U2 FedEx Field Spetember 29,2009

2009-10-02T19:10:00.002-05:00

The indisputable facts are these:

- U2 performed at a musical event at FedEx field in Landover, MD on September 29, 2009.

- Said musical event began at roughly 9:00 PM and lasted for longer than two hours

- The setlist was as follows

Breathe
Magnificent
Get on Your Boots
(Bono thanks Muse.)
Mysterious Ways
(I believe this is the Bono monologue about the democracy that is U2. Talks at length about the band members and what cabinet positions they would hold. Supports the Edge for President.)
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
Elevation
Your Blue Room
Beautiful Day
New Year's Day
Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of (acoustic)
The Unforgettable Fire
City of Blinding Lights (kid pulled out of crowd, ran around circle with Bono)
Vertigo (giant screen descends)
I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight (Larry plays the bongos)
Sunday Bloody Sunday (screen shows images from Iran street protests; green smoke)
MLK (dedicated to Ted Kennedy)
Walk On

Encore 1
One (Introduction by Bishop Tutu, Bono dedicates song to George Bush and Congress for passing AIDS legislation)
Amazing Grace/Where the Streets Have No Name (A dancing, flag-waving Sikh is invited on stage)

Encore 2 (Bono wears a coat of many lasers)
Ultraviolet
With or Without You
Moment of Surrender

There were other Bono monologues (most of which related to politics and how great the US is) and a version of Stand by Me.

Again, these facts are not in dispute. How these facts were experienced vary by person. Thus, this blog will report the experiences of five couples in different locations spaced throughout the audience, yes, 5 degrees of the promised 360. The authors and locations are:

Christina and Doug - Red Zone GA
Suzanne and Cristian - GA
Merinda and Clinton - blackberry tickets...not sure where those were
Jen and Pat - Mid-level, straight on
Molly and Andrew - Upper level

Stay tuned...

Deep Down I Know

2009-09-26T20:05:00.002-05:00

If you look to your right, you'll see my imeem playlists. On the "recent discoveries" playlist is the song "Deep Down" by Calexico, which I cannot get enough of (which is odd because I usually have no feelings whatsoever for the 'lexico). Anywho, I finally paid attention to the lyrics the other day and to my horror realized they were talking about my relationship with the Republican party. (All my readers just jumped to the edge of their seats because I think all my readers are Republican.)

When numbers matter more than the heart
Your eyes are hollow and stiffness starts to take control
Capsize the soul, deep down you know it's evil
You've always known

Be a good example show your new tricks
And while you're out there they'll make the pitch
To rally the troops and make a huge contribution
To help push this through
Deep down you know it's evil
You've always known it's evil

The days here are numbered but your record is clean
Outstretched and waiting on banks that seem
To flow and flow, a rich reward to show
Duty carried out in the field
Deep down you know it's evil
You've always known it's evil
You've always known

As much as I like to think that Republicans really support conservative bottom-up principles because they believe in them, I have always known in the pit of my stomach that the real party leaders are money-grubbing heartless monsters that only pay lip service to conservative principles because it fattens their pocketbooks and makes it so they don't actually have to give money to the poor. (Not that I feel much different about the Democratic Party leaders who I think view the society of Brave New World as the society to strive for (Orgies! Drugs! No consequences! Grow the children in a lab!))

The latest step in nerd empowerment

2009-09-16T20:26:00.003-05:00

As if MD couldn't get any weirder...

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/baltimore-city/bal-md.samurai16sep16,0,114199.story

The chatter around this story is about whether the Hopkins student is going to get charged by the Baltimore police. I think the more appropriate discussion should be about what this means for nerd empowerment. Personally, I believe it's a huge step forward. Consider. Since 1994, we have seen an evolution in music where Weezer made pseudo-nerd music popular (honestly, Weezer is not nerd music, no matter how much music magazines try to tell you they are; the proof is in Rivers's lyrics about being a nerd and a loser, a topic that real nerds wouldn't bother singing about) and Death Cab and the Decemberists made real nerd music popular (Ben Gibbard mentioned that he would see the type of people at his concerts that used to beat him up in high school), an evolution in fashion where nerd glasses are now cool and hip, an evolution in popular movies where nerds are the great tastemakers, commanding huge attention at Comic-con and making or breaking movies based on their initial reviews about the integrity of the work. Bill Gates long has said you should be nice to nerds as they will most likely be your boss.

With this back drop, we have a doughy dungeon master who hears a noise in the garage. He has been victimized before, but no more! He takes his replica ninja sword off the wall, steels his nerves, and walks outside. A shadow rushing at him. All that D+D training, all those awesome recreated Star Wars videos, all has led to this moment. And I'll be darned if he didn't role a 18, 19, or 20 on his twenty-sided die and score a critical hit with the katana!

My greatest project

2009-09-15T19:51:00.002-05:00

The greatest project I ever embarked upon (and by far the most successful) was when I determined that I would make a number of epic mix tapes. This involved determining the top three songs of each album I had, writing them down with the time of the song and their ranking on the album, and then figuring out where they would go on the mix tape. You know, some songs are great openers, some songs are great closers, and you have to make sure that there's a decent mix between fast and slow songs. So, with my paper documentation, I went about constructing the track list for each side of the mix tape. Easy, you might say! No! It's not! Because what happens when you get to side two of tape eight and alas! you are stuck with a bunch of mid-tempo 4 minute songs that don't work well together? You have to blow the whole thing up! Because no one, and I mean no one, want to mow the lawn to 45 minutes of mid-tempo 4 minute songs with an incoherent track sequence. Also, I had to stick with the mix-tape rule of not overloading a side with too much of one band. So, U2 and REM, by virtue of taking up a large part of my collection, had to be on every side of every mix tape, and I had to make sure they didn't appear in the same order. Despite the high degree of difficulty I pulled it off and I kick myself every day that I wasn't far enough along in Scouts so that I could have used it as my Eagle Project.

Brilliant unappreciated album IV: Elastica

2009-09-15T19:23:00.003-05:00

Band: Elastica
Album: Elastica
Year released: 1995
Year discovered: 1995
Year rediscovered: 2008

I've been a Brit rock man since 1997. But before I heard Blur, Suede, even Oasis, I heard Elastica. Through some bizarre quirk of fate, X96 played Connection and Stutter enough times that I heard them and wanted them. How did I know it was a great album? Well, one time my dad came down when I was playing Stutter loudly and he started carping about how drummers nowadays always just flail away on the cymbals. Parents complaining about it? Obvious winner.

I was not an intelligent music buyer in the 1990s. Case in point: I bought Sponge's Rotting Pinata. (How bad was Sponge? If you play Plowed for people now, they would probably say "I thought that was Stone Temple Pilots" which is, well, really not the best comparison for any band.) But Elastica was different. Different to the point that when I undertook my epic project of choosing the top three songs from each album to put on my legion of mix tapes, I had no idea which songs to select (ultimately, Stutter, Never Here, and Connection made the cut).

So, what makes the album great?

A) That cover. Such a stark, punky, awesomely rock and roll cover. One of my favorite covers of all time.

B) There were three girls in the band, they wore all black, and they wore Doc Martens. I was originally obsessed with the guitarist Donna Matthews and then became obsessed with the new bassist Sheila Chipperfield (which, I honestly think, was because I thought the last name Chipperfield was the coolest last name in the world). It was a foregone conclusion that I would end up marrying a dark-haired British girl who wore all black and Doc Martens. Simple, right? (You can imagine my surprise when I fell in love with a blonde American.)

C) The songs were melodic, short, and tough. Hit you quick, onto the next. 16 songs in 40 minutes. But no filler.

I'll admit, my ardor for the band waned as they took forever to make their follow-up album. I got off my mission, listened to it, and hated it. I held onto the first album for sentimental reasons...until I put it on my ipod in a bout of capriciousness. One bus ride home I got around to listening to it. And fell in love with it again. The other day I watched some old Glastonbury performances. Great again! And I came thisclose to trying to persuade Christina to throw away her current wardrobe and buy all black clothes and Doc Martens...

Insta-thoughts on Health Care speech

2009-09-09T20:52:00.002-05:00

A) I was disappointed. I fully expected a be-cloaked Dick Cheney to throw open the doors and openly challenge Obama to a wizard's duel.

B) Obama impressively stole the best of the Republican ideas from Romney and McCain. On top of that, he spoke like a conservative, all about competition, choice, rugged individualism, limited government, etc. Whether he means it or not, the point is his rhetoric was not dripping with liberality. Fascinating. I think congressional Republicans are in a bind. He's talking like them, he took their ideas, and he addressed their crazy attacks. Oh, and his plan seems pretty palatable.

C) I think the major hang up is cost. I don't think they'll find the 900 billion in Medicare that they say they will. The question is whether the public will care about spending an extra 100 billion a year on health care, especially as Iraq and Afghanistan (about 150 billion a year) wind down, and especially as deficits are now in the trillions. What's an extra hundred billion a year when we pass stimuli and economic recovery plans that are 500 billion or more? (Christina pointed out: Is it really that big a deal to add 100 billion to the deficit? Not if the economy recovers...)

D) I liked the Republican response. I was actually surprised at how close it hewed to Obama's plan. At this point, I really think the Republicans are going to deal. They seem so close.

E) Karl Rove represents everything wrong with the Republican party. We happened to catch him talking with Bill O'Reilly after the speech. I typically dislike O'Reilly. But even he found Rove to be petty and stupid. All of Rove's attacks on Obama's plan were minor and technical ("He keeps saying he won't cover illegals but then he uses the 47 million uninsured figure which includes illegals!" Uh, Karl, if the bill says "No illegals" than no illegals). I'm really understanding why the Bush administration seemed so petty and mean-spirited. (For all you hard right-wingers, O'Reilly was actually supportive of a number of planks in the Obama plan. I did not expect that, but I think it was because there are a number of conservative principles in the plan.)

F) I still get moved by the hypothetical example of parents not being able to pay for their children's health problems. That's one of those equality issues that really sticks in my craw. And sure, it might just be an example. Not sure the data on it. But such an inequality is allowable in the current system and that bugs me.

Huge huge win

2009-09-06T22:12:00.002-05:00

Of all the big BYU wins, this one is completely atypical. The only game I can think of where BYU played a big time opponent on a neutral field that was not so neutral is the 1997 Cotton Bowl win over Kansas State. That game was a defensive struggle (19-15 with BYU being down 15-5 to start the fourth quarter), but Kansas State did not have a very good offense that year (Kavanaugh was their QB as a I recall, and he was extraordinarily average). To hold the number 1 offense in the country last year (consisting of a Heisman Trophy winner and two 1,000-year running backs) to 13 points is phenomenal. But even more phenomenal when you consider how bad BYU's defense looked last year against teams that had even a modicum of team speed (TCU, Utah, AZ).

Listen, here's the predicted outcome of this game. OU's offense will roll over BYU's slow and short secondary just like every other decent team in the past five years, and they will most likely strike fast so that BYU is in a hole right away. See Notre Dame with Brady Quinn in 2005 where they never ran the ball, see USC in 2004, see TCU and Utah last year (and other middling MWC teams), especially see Tulsa in 2007. Basically, every BYU game you can expect to see the following scenario: QB launches deep pass, no one around but the WR streaking for a TD. BYU has always had a tough front seven, but the secondary always ALWAYS (there is no hyperbole here) sucks. What made this game completely different is that the corners were impressive. How impressive? Uh, I remember the corners being mentioned twice. On pass interference calls. Other than that, no mention of them. Which is good. It meant that they weren't being burned deep and they weren't making tackles. In other words, OU's WRs were not open deep or even middle. From what I remember, OU did not have a pass play longer than 19 yards. Logan and Howard were the difference in BYU being in the game in the 4th quarter. While we're talking about the defense...

LBs Clawson and Pendleton are brutes. Clawson was the guy last year who just lit up QBs in the first couple of games, and lit up Bradford twice. (If I were an OU fan, I would be appalled that with the incredible recruiting classes OU gets, that they don't have a decent OL or a decent back-up QB that can run the system. BYU's DL seemed to hold up much better against these guys than expected.) I have no idea where Pendleton came from, but he was hitting gaps like a laser-guided missile. It was really impressive. Very reminiscent of Shay Muirbrook or that 1996 team. Those two give the LB corps more speed than they seemed to have last year.

Speaking of team speed...What we should have learned from last year's TCU game, is that we can drive against fast defenses with short pinpoint throws and straight-ahead running. (The one TD against TCU came on a steady diet of between-the-tackles running). What doesn't show up in the overall stats, is that when Kariya ran straight ahead, he did really well. When BYU ran him and Tonga on sweeps, it was awful. Losses of 3 and 4 yards every time and it was the 300 pound DT McCoy who was running them down! Tonga looks really slow. Kariya doesn't look too much faster, but they are both tough, and Kariya was dragging people when running straight ahead. Hopefully Anae ditches the sweeps.

The national media likes to talk about the failures of OU, shooting themselves in the foot with penalties and, of course, the injury to Bradford. Here's the deal. When you have four turnovers in a de facto road game, including two within your own thirty-five and one that goes into your own end zone, and you commit 10 penalties, two of which gave OU 30 yards in that drive before halftime where Bradford got clobbered and they kicked a field goal, you should get spanked. BYU made bigger mistakes and still somehow survived. It's actually very reminiscent of that Boise St-OU BCS game. Every one still talks about the trick plays at the ends. BSU would have killed OU if they hadn't have committed a number of turnovers that game. Anyway, I think OU scored all their points off BYU turnovers...

Biggest moments of the game: Had to be when the BYU's defense spine stiffened after Hall through the INT at the 30. OU suddenly started pounding away on the ground and the ESPN commentators mentioned that BYU was looking fatigued. But! 6 plays within the 5, no TD. That was epic.

Also, the coolest offense play had to have been the quick snap on fourth and four, quick throw to Pitta for 23 yards. That was so heads-up and cool. Loved the confidence. None of this namby-pamby "let's talk this over during a timeout." Just a brilliant call.

I think those are all my thoughts for the game. As for me personally, I was a mess the whole game. Example: After Hall missed a wide open Jacobson on a third and long in the third quarter I sprawled onto the ground in despair, causing Christina, Andrew, and KC to just stare at me. I even started biting my nails during the final, failed OU drive, and that's not a habit of mine.

I looked around briefly on YouTube for a good highlight clip. This shows many of the bad things BYU did. Which better illustrates my above points...(also notice that awesome Andrew Rich tackle. He was pretty good too.)

What to do with 200 million male chicks?

2009-09-02T21:25:00.003-05:00

Well, this certainly is one thing to do with them...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/01/AR2009090100172.html

According to Hy-Line's PR man, "If someone has a need for 200 million male chicks, we're happy to provide them to anyone who wants them. But we can find no market, no need."

And how can there not be a market for 200 million chicks? Has Hy-Line tried selling them on ebay? To Tyson? Haven't I seen something like this on a Troy McClure educational video on the Simpsons?

I've Got a Giant Attitude

2009-08-27T20:56:00.002-05:00

The Giants had every right to fold. Two crushing walk-off homers in extra innings against the Rockies which had been preceded by a game in which they blew a 6-1 lead. Yeah, they could have swept the Rockies. Instead, they lost three of four and fell 4 games back in the wild card race. If they were the Cubs, they would have folded their tents, and gone into the wilderness to rebuild for the 101st year. But the G-men are showing spines of steel. Despite falling behind to the D-Backs the last two games, they have rallied in the eight inning to win. And with the Rockies losing earlier today, if the Giants win tonight they will be right back to within 2 games of the Rockies with the Rockies coming to SF for a weekend series where they will have to face the wrath of Lincecum and Cain. I've been expecting them to fade for the last month, and each time they are on the verge, they pull themselves together. This, even with Freddy Sanchez on the DL and Ryan Garko absolutely sucking it up at Pac Bell (nice deadline trades Sabean. Should have gone for Holliday.)

(It feels like there are ten games left in the season...I checked, and it's more like 35. So, being three games back of the Rockies and six back of the Dodgers isn't so impossible to overcome.)

Robin Hood (1991)

2009-08-27T20:46:00.002-05:00

I have never seen Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. So, when I saw that Robin Hood (1991) was being show on Fox Movie Classics, I thought I'd see how bad it really was. Turns out it was Robin Hood, yes, but some other version that came out in 1991 with Uma Thurman as Maid Marion. Huh? And instead of English accents coming and going, French accents were coming and going (Baron De Guerre was English half the time and French i.e. Norman half the time, most likely because the actor was German). And I loved it (I mean, I stumbled on it during a commercial for Karate Kid II and did not go back to the kid, despite the promise of an epic closing fight in Okinawa with everyone doing their hand drums). It hit all the basic points of the Robin Hood myths, had all the basic characters, and did not take itself serious. It was reminiscent in quality to that Ivanhoe that the BBC (?) trotted out in 1997 that was seriously brilliant.

I was an awesome debate judge

2009-08-27T20:14:00.002-05:00

Somehow, I have re-discovered Placebo's Pure Morning (I can't remember what exactly led me to it, but I think I've listened to it ten times just today). It's a pretty awesome song, with one of the best opening lines of any song ("A friend in need is a friend indeed/A friend with weed is better" Makes me laugh every time). But it also took me back through the mists of time when I was a teenage debate judge.

Yes, in my freshman year of college, I offered to be a judge for Orem High at a couple of debate tournaments. It was pretty simple: there were no qualifications to be a judge and you got paid. Seemed worth it to me. Plus, having been a thoroughly mediocre debater in high school and seen the power wielded by judges, I had always wanted to try it out. To paraphrase somebody somewhere during the Civil War and possibly in other wars, there's nothing quite like God on earth than a debate judge at a debate tournament. The secret about debate is that you really just want to impress the judge, regardless of how sound your arguments are. To try and get that edge, debaters will often ask the judge what they are looking for (to be the first one to ask the judge "what's your paradigm?" is an important opening salvo. Makes you seem confident and makes it seem like you know what "paradigm" actually means. Every once in a while, though, there are the judges that snap back at you for trying to get an edge and then you're in a hole). My paradigm was unabashedly awesome for Lincoln-Douglas debates. 1) You can do whatever you can to get an edge. Be mean to your opponent. Show no mercy. Seduce them. I don't care. Whatever flusters them and makes them weak. 2) Anyone who uses lyrics gets full speaker points as long as the lyrics are used to make a point. Even if you suck at debate, you get full speaker points. (There was also the old joke when I was in debate that if you had a male judge and you were going against a hot girl, you really had to destroy her to overcome the initial bias. Turns out, at least when I was judging, it was a reality. I can remember in at least one debate, I broke a seeming tie based on level of hotness. That's pretty awful, when I think about it. This is a good reason why you should not have 18 year olds judging 17 year olds.) Anyway, there was one debate where one girl who was getting killed suddenly pulled out "And as Placebo says, 'A friend in need is a friend in deed.'" Full speaker points young lady! Way to pull out the Placebo lyrics! I remember the other girl, who was the better debater, tried some lyrics, but they were forced, didn't work with the argument, and might have been from someone odious like Celine Dion. No full speaker points for her.

The Road

2009-08-27T19:47:00.002-05:00

There is no better way for me to delve into an author's ouevre than to start with his post-apocalyptic nightmare scenario. Unfortunately, most authors do not have such a story, but thankfully Cormac McCarthy does and so I begin my Cormac McCarthy odyssey. (Knocked out the Road and am halfway through All the Pretty Horses, with No Country for Old Men in the on-deck circle).

First off, thank to Matt A for recommending it. He was pretty spot on when he said that it hits you hard as the father of a son. Much of this might be spoiler, so don't read on if you are planning to read the book.

I'm pretty rusty in really sinking my teeth into the themes and symbols of a book, so excuse me if my comments seem mundane. To me, the whole book comes to a head when they meet the man that's stolen their cart off the beach. Every conversation between the father and the son, the stress, the protection, all seems aimed at this moment. (I love the simplicity of the difference between those who are good and those who are evil. We're good because we don't eat people.) So, that moment where the catch the old man and they strip him of everything and retake the cart and the son's protesting...that's the moment. Specifically, where the father says, "You're not the one who has to worry about everything" and the boy answers inaudibly at first but then says, "Yes, I am. I am the one." The boy remains the moral compass. The father's intent is always completely focused on the protection of his son, but the son is the one who has to worry about them maintaining their morality, something that tortures him through the book. As a dad, that line was crushing. You think you're doing what's best for them, acting in their interest, and they instead are noticing how you treat others inhumanely to help them. I can't get over that line. I have to worry about our morality because you aren't paying attention in your attempt to be protective.

Are there are a million other things that make this book great? Sure. But for some reason that one really knocked me around.

The movie comes out in October. The trailer looks interesting.

Phase IV: Life!

2009-08-27T19:22:00.003-05:00

Two incredible development in the yarden since the last post.

1) The cukes, the lettuce, and the radishes exploded out of the batter's box of life. The onions and carrots are making like Bengie Molina (for the uninitiated, Molina's as slow as a sloth slathered in molasses (but not as tasty)). Of course, those tubers are tricky fellows and mayhaps they have already begun their downward journey.

2) For readers who pay attention, you'll remember that I once referred to an area as the Rhubarb Stalks and had visions of disgusting rhubarb pies dancing in my head. Christina was dubious. "Doesn't look like any rhubarb stalks I've ever seen and I'm the daughter of a botanist," she grumbled. "Nay, my love, these are rhubarb!" I exclaimed. The botanist's daughter (or Christina Bottanestdottir as she's known in Iceland) then went about researching my so-called rhubarb. Turns out that they are nothing like rhubarb. They are actually American Pokeweed also known as American Nightshade. Nightshade! Seems like I read about nightshade somewhere, maybe as a poison in a detective novel or something...turns out it IS toxic! So, here I've been weeding and miracle-gro-ing a toxic plant that is, according to Wikipedia, "considered a major pest by farmers." Brilliant. I should have guessed what with the oozing purple berries of the nightshade (memories of Ralph and "tastes like burning" )

So, a new hole has been dug and the deadly nightshade is following the moldy thornbushes on the path to destruction.

The spiney plant that I've been doing battle with is quite possible a lime tree. Limes!

Phase III: I am Gozer

2009-08-20T22:44:00.002-05:00

Q: What has two inch long thorns and round fruit?
A: I don't know, but I killed it

Q: What flies and sucks blood?
A: Who cares, I killed it

Q: What is green and viney and acts as a ground covering?
A: See answer to first and second question

Q: What are small and round and are supposed to grow copious amounts of vegetables if planted early in the season and meticulously cared for?
A: Things that I have not yet killed but surely will.

Newest additions to the yarden? A big hole and an ever-expanding dirt patch (which, as Q4 indicates, is full of seeds that will never grow. (In planting the seeds, I came to the shocking discovery that I might be a horticulturist agnostic. I'm not convinced that what my fourth grade, seventh grade, and tenth grade teachers told me about seed germination is correct. I've never grown a plant. And I don't think I can ever know how a seed becomes a tree. But I will acknowledge that trees and plants grow. I'm just not sure if the methods taught me by teachers can be correct. It seems too preposterous. But perhaps, perhaps this experience can convert me to Botany.))

The breaking of the fellowship

2009-08-14T22:56:00.004-05:00

http://www.portlandmercury.com/portland/nothing-is-permanent-continued/Content?oid=1557132

This is why the Shins will fail...perhaps why the Shins have already failed. It is incomprehensible to me how you could be a big enough jerk to fire your friend just because he isn't as technically proficient as some studio player. Wincing the Night Away sounded soulless. I expect nothing less from whatever new material they produce (but at least we know the drumming will be adequate). A rule of thumb for arrogant lead singers that watch their star rise as their band finds success. Bono has never fired anyone in the band. Michael Stipe has never fired anyone in the band. Because you can't fire a co-equal.(I think one of the difficulties I have in fully embracing Wilco is their willingness to lop off members of the band.)

Ice Spiders!

2009-08-14T22:22:00.002-05:00

Ice Spiders is so. awesome. We caught the last half of it the other night, and it wasn't like missing the first half of it made the plot hard to understand or anything. Basically, when you see green mutant spiders jumping on skiers and biting their heads, you have a generally good idea of what happened before. So many favorite moments...where to begin?
1) The hapless fellow in the lodge who's stoking the fire but then something knocks snow down the chimney to put the fire out. What would you do? Especially when you know there are mutant spiders outside eating all your friends? Why, stick your head into the chimney....AIEEEEEEE!!! *splort*

2) Dash the ex-Marine/current ski bum who is proficient in acquiring bazookas for his ski bum buddies to shoot at ice spiders.
3) Everything with the yahoos on the school bus. The crazy driving, the crash, the arguments, the madly brilliant concept to use the school bus door to hold fast to the ice spider's leg to let the other kids off the bus and get back to the lodge.
4) Love the spider-vision.
5) The villain's final speech as captured here. SPOILER ALERT: While fighting his own man, he falls down the mountain and is killed by the last ice spider who is blown away by the army men.

Making work pay...well, except if yer poor

2009-08-09T21:27:00.002-05:00

Disclaimer: This is another policy post. It may be boring and dry. Such is the nature of such things.

As part of the fiscal stimulus, President Obama touted his Making Work Pay tax credit. And, as with so many things, it seemed to be ignored once the stimulus passed. (It's something like a 200 billion tax credit.) So, the deal is that if you're single and make up to 75,000 or married and make up to 150,000 you get a tax credit of $400 if you're single or $800 if you're married. The idea was to spread this out over about twelve or eighteen months, so each person would get either about $25 or $50 a month. Fair enough. You can debate about the idea amongst yourselves, but the point is that it passed. So, there was no big trumpeting of when it was supposed to go into effect. Back in February, the administration said that you would start seeing the effects of the tax credit in the summer. Sure enough, in late April, the IRS made changes to their withholding policies to take into account the tax credit. So, the tax credit was to be administered through payroll withholdings....

....does anyone see the problem? First question you should ask if you're giving money to people by substracting from taxes is...what about those who do not have money withheld? Remember, I'm not about debating the idea behind this (because I imagine there are some people who think that the only people that should get the 800 dollars are those who have withholdings and that people who do not have withholdings i.e. the poor, maybe should not get the 800 dollars. for the record, I disagree, but this is about desigining a policy). Remember, those who are not having any money withheld are not just the poor but can be people probably up to about 250 percent of poverty or higher, depending on how many kids they have (because of the additional child tax credit that can wipe away a lot of owed taxes). Anyway, you have a whole slice of the working population that is very vulnerable at the time of an economic downturn, who could certainly use an additional $50 a month...but it turns out that if you have NO income withheld from federal taxes, you do NOT receive the tax credit until you file your taxes for 2009. So, bascially, you can have a family making 120K a year who's receiving the tax credit each month, for whom the 50 bucks a month is a fraction of their overall paycheck and you could have a family making 40K who is not receiving the tax credit. Even more problematic is that a) the 120K family is receiving the credit automatically, while the 40K family has to make sure they remember to apply for it next year in their taxes. Which means that some people won't remember to do it. Remember, the Earned Income Tax Credit (which gives up to 4K a year for poor working families) does not have full takeup, especially for Hispanic families, despite a well-funded PR campaign. The Making Work Pay credit will have no such campaign, which means that there will be working families that should be getting the Making Work Pay credit that will not get it because they will not know how to get it. Good grief, as a policy guy, I had to really search around to figure this out. b) Poor families seem to be more likely to use this on spending for stimulus purposes than families where the credit is just a fraction of their overall income.

In sum, you have a policy that on face is supposed to provide an equal amount of money to every family making less than 150K, but, in fact, completely favors the middle class who have withholdings, and ignores the working class who do not. And no one cares. Why? Because every Congressional staffer, policy professional, etc. is too rich to be in the position to notice this happen. I imagine very few are in the position that they have zero tax withholdings. They see that they are getting more money each paycheck and pat themselves on the back for getting the money out to everyone. Those who are not receiving the credit are probably not in the position to know what they should be getting. I don't often pull out the whole "shame" language popular in Letters to the Editor, but, heck, here I go...*wagging finger at the administration* "For shame! Figure out how to effectively and justly administer a stimulus!"

Phase II

2009-08-09T21:03:00.002-05:00

Precipitating event: Caleb threw a golf ball into Yarden Right that consists of ivy and shrubbery. I was working fairly mosquito-free pulling out vine like weeds among the Rhubarb Stalks (mosquito-free meaning I only had to contend with a couple of hovering devil bugs at any given moment). As we commenced our search for the golf ball (when turned out to be in vain as our ivy must be of the Wrigley Field variety), we were met with fierce resistance in the form of at least 25 or so mosquitos. Beaten back, humiliated, angry (think Gimli's reaction post-Moria), I swore to do something. And something I did.

Reaction to precipitating event: Purchase of mosquito death spray. Death spray sprayed in all parts of the yarden. Yes, we contemplated buying the mosquito candles that supposedly frighten the mosquitos away. But, the yard is like crime in mid-1990s New York. We needed to do something drastic. And even if our neighbors later level the allegation that "Hey, you just moved the mosquito problem into our backyards" as Jersey said after Guiliani scared all the criminals across the river, I won't care. Not one little bit.

Further updates will be posted as events warrant. We're about to embark on Project Purposefully Grow Things in which we plant various vegetables late in the season around the Rhubarb Stalks and watch them get eaten by rabbits and deer while visions of Thanksgiving cucumbers and red onions dance in our heads. Such dreams are facilitated by the purchase of miracle grow which I naively think will magically speed up the harvest, kill weeds, and convince wildlife to eat the ivy instead. (If you remember your Star Wars, I believe a young Luke Skywalker asked C3P0 to do the same thing, which C3P0, tragically, was unable to do. But that's because there was no miracle grow for Uncle Owen's sand farm. (Although that blue drink that Aunt Beru was forcing on them looked a little like miracle grow...))

A frontal assault

2009-08-04T20:33:00.004-05:00

Our backyard looks like a jungle. And, just like a jungle, there are clouds of mosquitoes. The moment you walk out, swarms and swarms descend on any exposed flesh. All the most frustrating is that the only thing Lord Google has told us is that the way to murder mosquitoes is to find the standing water where they breed. Well, we don't have any standing water. So, they have to be hiding somewhere. I originally thought that they issuing forth from under the deck...but it seems that I have stumbled across a more important stronghold of theirs: The moldy pile of dead thornbushes. Yeah, who knows how long the thornbushes have been dying and falling in this pile in one part of the yarden (what do I call it? It's not the lawn, it's not a garden. It's like a place where there is no grass, but tons of plants. Having never lived in a land where plants grow without cultivation, I don't understand what this should be called. So, yarden.) Tonight, I laid seige to the thornbush pile and got eaten alive. However, now that I cleared out a goodish portion, I plan to finish the assault. Consider this the Helms Deep moment...except there is no Gandalf to save you, rotten mosquitoes living in the thornbush pile.

(If you click on the picture, you can kind of see the thornbush pile on the left in the yarden.)

Steeeeeeeeeeeeer----oids

2009-08-02T20:37:00.002-05:00

We went up to the Os-Red Sox game on my birthday along with 30 or so Andersons. Which meant that this was the first time that David Ortiz had to face a hostile crowd since it came out that he tested positive for steroids in 2003. Two important notes: 1) This was anything but a hostile crowd, seeing how the split was about 60-40 for the Red Sox 2) Seeing how I am a Giants fan, when I jeer other players for being steroid users, I am obviously a hypocrite as I cheered for steroid-loaded teams for the past 15 years. Setting aside that obvious hypocrisy, it was nice to finally chant "Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrroids!" at an opposing player instead of listening to everyone taunt the players on your team. It was fun. (And I'm sure it set a wonderful example for my impressionable children.) Although the cheers from the Red Sox fans often drowned out the steroid chants. (Matt A. tried to get a "P-E-Ds" chant going, but that went nowhere.) Especially when Oritz homered. Kinda like when Bonds homered at RFK and the whole crowd shut up and I cheered really loud, except the exact opposite.

The most impressive non-steroidedly fueled performance of the night came from Jacoby Ellsbury who made a spectacular home-run robbing catch on a dead sprint in CF. Just a wow moment. Actually, that's what I said. I just sat there saying, "Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow." Also of note: I thought it would be fun to chant a sarcastic "M-V-P" after Dustin Pedroia got caught stealing. But, no one else thought that would be fun. Which is why pro stadiums need student sections. Student sections pick up mean and sarcastic chants at a moment's notice and then remember the mean sarcastic chants inning-to-inning, game-to-game. (I still love the left-right chant at the Marriott Center for players that foul out.) Maybe a more baseball-friendly crowd like the bleacher bums in Chicago would do that. Yeah, the Baltimore fans seemed to consist entirely of women between the ages of 15 and 25 all wearing Brian Roberts or Nick Markakis shirts...

Working Class Hero

2009-07-30T20:31:00.002-05:00

In a little toss-aside manifesto, Papa Karl mentioned that, at some point, the lower middle class (and also some bourgoise idealogues) would sink into the proletariat. I woke up the other day and realized, "By George, I'm in the working class!"

Transportation: One (1) van with 120K miles on it. My commute to work is not driving, not on metro, not carpooling, but the freaking Metrobus (only $1.25!) Well, that's on the way to work. To get home, I ride the free Maryland shuttle to New Hampshire and then walk a mile on a busy thoroughfare. How do I get to downtown DC? Uh, Metrobus to campus, free Maryland shuttle to the metro, metro downtown. Another sign? I don't work downtown. The only thing that would make it more working class would be to live in the city while working in the 'burbs.

Location: Solidly Hispanic working class. Our neighbors are police offers and small businessmen, generally handymen and that sort. Seems like a lot of families, but in an older neighborhood. Oh, and I rent.

Music: A lot of the Levellers. And I really like the new Green Day stuff (what is wrong with me? I also love the new Linkin Park song.)

Income: As I talk with other people in the region, their perception is that the middle class stretches up to between 150-200K for income. Now, that's maybe because everyone thinks they are middle class. But, I think that solidly puts me in the working class.

Now, my profession certainly isn't working class. (Can we make a subset of working class that's called "thinking as working"? Does that count?). But still, four out of five indicators? Good enough, right? And now that I'm working class, I need to start thinking working class, whatever that means. It means thinking about football and baseball all day? Well, never mind, I'm already there...

Moving to the MoCo

2009-07-30T19:34:00.002-05:00

I have to admit, I feel like I've cheated fate. For at least two summers, I walked over the Spellman Overpass every night coming back from work. I also used to run over the Spellman as part of my running route. And, every time, as the trail led away from Greenway, curving out of the view of any passersby, my heart would speed up, I would look into the woods, and quicken my pace. If I was running, my big burst of speed would happen in those final, fateful few yards leading to the 'Pass. My mind played tricks on me whenever I spotted a stranger on the path coming toward me: menacing thugs were just eight-year-olds, gangs were merely powerwalkers, and nasty, crazy old men were...well, nasty crazy old men.

I often thought of the Ravine by Bradbury. I often felt like the entrance to the overpass swirled menacingly like in Fellowship where Frodo yells ,"Get off the road!" Nature played her part too. It often seemed my lot to be crossing the Spellman at the same moment that a summer thundstorm crackled above, adding a new fear that as I strode across the Overpass, suddenly out of the trees, surrounded by an inverted metal fence (to prevent suicides, I guess), starkly naked, that I was going to be incenerated.

I suppose fear is too strong a word. It was exhilarating in a way, knowing that man and nature were conspiring to destroy me and that every day I defeated them. So, my new walk home down New Hampshire seemed fairly innocuous at first...until I passed a couple of crazies over by the pawnshop. So, there's potential.

"A noble soul embiggens the smallest man"

2009-06-23T20:07:00.002-05:00

I have kept that quote by Jebediah Springfield in my head and my heart for years. In crushing moments where someone has belittled my stature, I have repeated it to myself over and over and over until I was re-embiggened.

Didn't realize it had become part of me until today, when I said to my boss about a powerpoint presentation, "Well, we could embiggen this part..." to which my boss responded "Embiggen? Don't you mean enlargen?"

No, I meant embiggen.

I need the Giants to sign Lincecum and Cain long-term this offseason

2009-06-23T19:55:00.005-05:00

The moment they do, Dave and Caleb are getting some new wallpaper. Notice how the widget hasn't moved down and we're almost done with June? I am pumped by this team. Granted, the offense is weak (which means they should really push for getting Matt Holliday in a trade with the As), but the pitching is oh so good. As long as Barry Zito is serviceable for the next 4 years of his contract and they get Cain and Lincecum to sign long-term, they're going to be contenders. Real-life contenders! Like in the early 2000s!

Was 1985 really so bad?

2009-06-06T20:50:00.003-05:00

Sweet mercy, I knew the 1980s was one of the those collective moments where everyone forgot good taste, but...Amadeus as best picture in 1985? Really? I was mentally prepared for an epic. I was completely crushed. To add to the misery, Christina has banned me from choosing movies until further notice. (Let's see, Donnie Darko and then Amadeus...at least I'm edgy in my picks.)

The music was fine. The last 25 minutes or so (Mozart dictating his Requiem to Salieri) are cool. But the movie is absolutely ruined by 1) the inability of Mozart and his wife to act, and 2) awful, modernish dialogue. (In what should be the most poignant part of the movie, Constantze terribly cries "Oh Wolfy, Wolfy, Wolfy!" at his lifeless body. I was unmoved.) Overall, I would say more enjoyment can be had listening to Falco's Amadeus.

So, after watching and being incredibly disappointed with Amadeus, we watched Christina's pick Ghost Town, and surprise, surprise, it was hilarious. Out and out the funniest movie I've seen in a long time. I hadn't heard anything really great about the movie, but I was really dying at a couple of scenes (self-righteous teeth monologue, the gagging scene.)

I am an attractive man

2009-06-06T20:34:00.002-05:00

The other day, I entered my building and turned to get my mail. Someone followed me into the building. The following interaction took place.

Me: *getting mail*

Guy behind me: *clears throat*, excuse me *speaks out of side of mouth* Are you gay?

Me: Huh? Whaaaat?

(sound of Doug's brain trying to figure out what exactly is going on here because it certainly seems like I am being hit on, but that can't be right.)

Guy: *quickly and mumbly* Oh, I'm sorry, you probably have a wife or something like that, right?

Me: Yes. (Collects mail, starts downstairs to apartment)

Guy: Oh. Well, you're attractive.

Me: Uh..., thanks? (goes inside)

After Christina stopped laughing (something like 10 minutes later), she rightly pointed out that it took major guts on the part of this fellow to just come right up and ask.

Reasons to be afraid of the woods

2009-06-02T21:29:00.002-05:00

In 12th century England: Robin Hood

In Washington state: Eco-terrorists

In Middle Earth: Tom Bombadil

In some weird text role playing game on our old Apple IIe: Chiggers

In the Village: Adrian Brody

In Greenbelt, MD: Discombobulated homeless people discovered during games of flashlight tag.

Greenbelt is weird.

I walk out of a movie

2009-06-02T20:41:00.002-05:00

For the first time in my life, I walked out of a movie. Usually, I'm pretty discerning about the movies I watch. I check the Rotten Tomatoes meter, I check the content, I listen to what friends have to say about it. But, this movie was so bad, I walked out in the first ten minutes. From my own room.

No wait! A memory stirs! Why, I do remember walking out of a movie for similar reasons! A comedy that was, in fact, not funny at all! (Granted, they are different kinds of torture. One poses as a comedy while subjecting us to Jerry Lewis's tender confessionals to clown puppets; the other relies completely on Jack Black wearing funny clothes.) At least the poor folks in the 9th circle of comedy hell who have been stuck watching The Errand Boy on an endless loop since 1961 have some new material. That makes me feel a little better.

Is he some kind of superhero?

2009-06-02T20:02:00.003-05:00

I hate Donnie Darko.

I shouldn't. The premise is brilliant. 6-foot tall bunny tells teen that the world will end in 28 days (or thereabouts). Strange events ensue. I naively assumed that the strange events would make sense, as most movies try and make sense. Instead the bits and pieces of explanation scattered throughout the movie never coalesced into something coherent by the time of the befuddling last wave. A movie that was all potential and no payoff. Yet, there was the lingering feeling that the movie DID make sense, I just didn't know how.

Bless the internet. In my confusion, I found that absolute confusion was the reaction of basically everyone who saw the Darko the first time and that there were explanatory articles for someone in my position. It turns out the only way to really understand the movie is to read the accompanying material gathered from the DVD release, interviews with the filmmaker, etc. Everything makes sense. Everything was perfectly crafted.

I love Donnie Darko.

But I still hate Donnie Darko.

I hate that the answers to the film are not found within the film itself, but have to be explained elsewhere. So much more clarity could have been injected into the film, additional explanatory passages from the Philosophy of Time Travel, a couple of bits of mysterious dialogue from Grandma Death. I was robbed of that growing excitement you feel in a confusing movie where you feel, "Hey, I'm finally getting the super weird secret about this thing!" and your brain starts to jiggle with the information you have and you sit at the edge of your seat and you want to pause the movie and turn to whoever your watching the movie with to say, "HOLYCRAP! He's DEAD!" or something like that. Instead, the discovery was belated. It wasn't part of the movie experience.

But my brain started toying around with Donnie D. "Self," said my Brain, "a number of books assume that you've read the bible. Movies assume you've seen other movies or read certain book or know of certain happenings. If you haven't, the story/joke/incident is flat. Only with context, does the event make sense. So what if Donnie Darko did it the opposite way? So what if it sent you in search of other materials to understand what you saw? Isn't that, in a way, cooler than understanding because you already had the prior knowledge? Only those who seek the additional information get the movie."

I love Donnie Darko.

(I also still hate Donnie Darko. Because the other half of my brain says, "Really, we spent that much time ruminating about a 6-foot rabbit and his prophecies of doom?" To which the first half of my brain says, "Fiver, baby. Fiver.")