A conversation you never want to have

Me: *observing bandage and gauze on your arm* Oh, what happened to you? Cut yourself?

You: No, I had a mole removed...

Me: *in mind* oh gosh, they are one of those mole people. I bet they are covered with moles I can't see. I bet they have one that looks like a stovetop hat on their back. Who talks about their moles? *out loud* uh, did that hurt?

You: Well, not the first time. They had to cut out more the second time.

Me: *in mind* sweet mercy, the second time? How big was it? And I thought I knew this person! *out loud* oh

You: yeah, it was fast growing. Not cancerous. Just fast growing. They dont know biologically why it was growing so fast. But not cancerous. The doctor compared it to the kind of moles old Russian women have that cover one side of their face.

Me: *in mind* I think I'm going to throw up. I'm never touching this person. Who talks about their moles? I've never had a conversation about moles! What am I supposed to say? *out loud* God speed.

You: You should get your moles checked. That one looks weird.

Now reverse You and Me and you can see why my conversations with people this week have been a little...brief.