I found this on my computer. I wrote it a while ago and I can't remember why. I think I was bored and my wife had morning sickness all day long and I was freaking out about school. So I wrote it. It's one of those things that when you reread it you wonder what in the world was going through your head. Much like my old absurdist plays that my brother actually reviewed in a French journal in graduate school because he was bored. A lot of bad/odd things happen when people are bored. Like mailboxes.
"Welcome to the future, Jack. The future run by men in black suits and black Hueys that are coming like a nightmare, except that when you wake up, they're knocking on your door, asking to be quartered and Do you have the kettle on the boil. So you oblige them and next thing you know you're being quartered like a commoner in the West Indies complete with torches and forceps and oh-my-goodness-not-a-jaguar. Your only wish is to be melted and reshaped into something with a little more muscle, like an ox. Oxes, or oxens as some like to say, are the most muscular things you've ever seen, until you met Mrs. Flemingsham who broke your hand with her wicked slider. Don't even ask for the fastball."
That's not even worth posting. I sure hope someone steals it and claims it as their own so I can pretend it's not mine. This is what happens when you read your friend's vitriolic blog and think you need to spice things up a bit. Now, about the inner workings of the Temporary Assistance to Needy Families act....
No really, this is what I do all day and all night. I read about policy and realize how everyone in the world should understand all the programs the government has. Seriously, how can you complain about anything that government does if you don't put in the time or effort to understand it? And yet, there's so much and it's so complex that there's no way for the common person to figure it all out. So they send Chris, the dim rich businessman, to figure it all out. And what does Chris do besides being angry and rubbing his chin? He asks a)Hastert b)His staff member or c)the Majority Whip what this is all about. And no one knows except the staffer and a bunch of people in "nonpartisan" think tanks. Lippmann was right. We should be run by the elites. When the rest of us get involved, we bog up the whole system baby. Dewey's rolling in his grave. I'm both impressed and horrified at the complexities in the law.
My little boy caught a rubber 4-square ball from 5 inches away and tried to bounce it but it kept going off his toes. It was fun. He laughed. I'll never be the great grad student because I'd much rather go kick a ball on a hill in the sun with my 18-month old and pregnant wife than spend hours and hours laboring over the meaning of the word leadership. I guess I'll never be the next Denny Hastert or Karl Rove or Ted Kennedy. And I think I'm okay with that. I think I've laughed at two of Tom Toles' cartoons in the Washington Post. The latest was about two days ago when Bush introduces Bolten to his house and there's a gigantic naked Rove lamp. It was funny. Most of the time I find Toles intolerable. I think the East deserves a good shot of Western down-to-earthism. They really really think that the East is how the rest of the country is. It's so Mr. Banksish (can't see past the end of his nose...Mary Poppins...c'mon feel the Illinoise). It's the opposite of Utah where they don't WANT to know what the rest of the US is like because hey, it's okay in Utah. This is why I shouldn't blog. I told my wife about the blog, but I hope she won't read it. She'll just roll her eyes and ask why I'm bothering putting this on the web. I really never have an answer. I just laugh
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