Case in point...

If you needed proof that I blog wrong, my sister-in-law just posted a post that says "cousins make the world go round." I was stupified. What the devil does that mean? Obviously, something just happened in her life that made her appreciate her cousins. But what? Or maybe she's using an ironic smirking tone and her cousins did something nefarious. As the reader, I am left to make my own suppositions. Which, frankly Mr. Shankley, is frustrating to me. But this is the digital communication world we live in, and I just don't get it. Not that there's anything wrong with writing pithy one-line esoteric commentary. It's a reflection of our sound-bite society, which is the death knell to extended communication. Long live extended communication. I should have realized this when another sister-in-law of mine continued a long distance relationship with some hobo through text messaging. Yes, the relationship was maintained by a text in the morning that said, "Good morning" one at lunch that said, "What are you having for lunch?" and one at night that read, "Have a good night...don't fool around with any one else in Minnesota" or something like that. Anywho, that kept the relationship alive. To which I say, what relationship? Too many relationships are continued through little snippets of digital conversation instead of real lasting human interaction. If you're going to use your blasted cell phone, call them and talk to them for hours on end. If you're going to write them, e-mail them something more substantial than "Good morning, sunshine!" or even worse "GM,S!"

Without further ado, here's why cousins make the world go round. Because sometimes they take a dump in your grandma's pool and your mom picks up the poo claiming it's from the trres above after you cry out, "Someone's pooped in the pool!!!" Because sometimes they come to your house and sleep on your sister's floor with plastic sheets underneath because they still occasionally wet the bed despite being dangerously close to being a teenager, which freaks out your sister. Because sometimes they yell down vents in your house to bug your sister who's lying awake in the TV room, worried that her carpet upstairs will be forever stained. Because sometimes they go driving around Provo with a WWI-style German helmet on a Vespa and a fu man chu whilst weighing nigh unto 300 pounds. Because sometimes you freak out when you're six because you have to sleep in the same room as one of them and you think he sleeps in the nude because he doesn't have his shirt on. Because sometimes they stay with your parents and try to impress them with how funny they are only to have your parents comment later, "He is the most BORING boy..." If you think that this is going to end with something warm and fuzzy, then you're a sucker. I am not from the affirming generation, where, in the end, somehow these experiences make me a better person and I say, "Thank you cousins, I'm a better person now. Never change, because you should always be true to yourself!!" No, I say, "You guys are hilarious. And you're freaks. I'm so glad you've mastered your bodily functions."

On that note, I think I'm done here. I'm glad that my cousins and my sisters-in-law do not read this thing becasue there might be big trouble in little Henderson come Christmas time. I never saw Big Trouble in Little China, and I always wish I had. Sometimes you gotta take the time when you're 12 and you have a two hour block on a Saturday afternoon and Fox 13 is showing BTILC for the 20th time that year.