Worm turning

My thoughts are being transposed in the voice of Dr. Cox from Scrubs. This is a sign I watch too many episodes of Scrubs. If I read or think the word "not" I think it or read it like Dr. Cox would read it. Scrubs slays me in ways that I only though Arrested Development or obscure British comedy sketches from the 60s and 70s could slay me. I frequently fall over on the couch laughing. It's gotten to the point where my wife and I call each other "newbie" and try to make Coxian witticisms which usually end in her saying, "Nope, nope, that didn't sound like him, newbie." Anyway, a fascinating development occured in this crazy mixed up world of ours. I bought a bootleg REM CD in London in 1997 that was from the Green tour in Holland although it was produced by an Eyetalian company. The CD was pretty low quality. I held onto it for a few years, thinking that just by having it I was cooler than so many other low level dust licking casual music listeners. One day, in a fit of madness, I said, "Enough is enough! This CD is not worth more than four dollars to me!" and I sold it to some second hand CD store for something like four dollars. The next day I woke up and looked at my CD collection and began searching saying, "Didn't I use to have a Church album, and another Church album and an REM bootleg and an Elastica bootleg and Zooropa and Camoflauge?"
So, the other day, Joshua L as in Lunceford Sorensven goes to some carhole sale where he finds a stack of REM CDs one of which is, get this, abootlegremcdfromthegreentourfromhollandmadeinitalywithterriblesound. Yeah, he bought my old CD from a man at a garage in some place in Utah. I wonder how many people have touched it and listened to it and said, "ARGH! The sound is terrible! Enough is enough!" It's like I brought a horrible curse from England that no one can stand but everyone is attracted to. Like the Spice Girls or scabies. This made me think of a great PBS show called CD Roadshow for the Living Dead (WE ARE THE LIVING DEAD said Winston to his diary turning away from his teleprompter or whatever they had in his room) in which people like Josh meet a gay music man named Henry Hill who tells him everything about the strange recording that Josh (and people like him) have found.

"So Josh, as you can see this is an original bootleg from the Firefox studio in Milan. However, what makes this release so fascinating is that the recording took place in Holland. As you know, during the Green Tour of 1989, the Italians were not allowed to attend Dutch concerts because of Ajax's recent victory over Juventus in the UEFA cup, so to have these two countries melded together (holds hands together) in this recording is...is...*sniff* just phenomenal. I'm all atingle. Feel me"

"You shure all atingle Mr. Hill."

"Where did you find this amazing artifact?"

"Wellsir, I (engages in long story that could easily have been summed up by saying "at a garage sale" as Henry Hill taps his toes in frustration)"

"Well, Mr. Sorensen, you made quite a find. Yessir quite a find. Of course, the sound quality is poor. It might as well be Rob Thomas singing with Flea on bass and a chorus of the dead making that awful static sound. In prime condition this would be worth upwards of $100..."

(Josh and Dana gasp and hug)

"However, this is not prime condition. It's worth a little less"

(flashes on screen) Poor sounding Holland/Italian REM Green Tour CD w/booklet - 3 dollars

(narrator) "Let's see what other great finds we have in the Orem/Provo area" (shot of various indie hipsters milling in background with LPs)