An open letter to music critics - STILL NEEDS WORK

Dear American Critics of Music,

I find you vile. I know, it must be difficult to be the guardians of American taste in rock and roll music. I know you take this heavy burden upon you. But, as with women who join the army and have babies while in the army and then are devastated after being deployed, your current situation is something that you have brought about yourselves. So, it seems you chose your particular field because you enjoyed music. I must then ask the following question...why, if this is the profession you chose, do you attempt to skimp on your research and listening of new albums? I suppose I should single out Pitchfork, the hipster website that celebrates debuts and evicerates later albums, always lamenting the band's lost "promise." But that leave out all those other reviewers that read each other's press and then make the decision before hearing the record, "Why, this band sounds just like X. For shame!"

Which brings me to American reviews of British Sea Power. One might say, "Well, you're a biased bloke! You've often lauded BSP on your website to the point that you might as well be lobbying Congress on behalf of British Sea Power." I accept that criticism. but because I am such a biased bloke, I can identify the lazy ramblings of American critics. Prior to the release of Do You Like Rock Music?, seemingly each American critic received a review template in the mail. It read:

"Dear Reviewer,

British Sea Power had a member of Arcade Fire produce a couple of tracks. British Sea Power shall now be compared to Arcade Fire. No review shall be published without references to Arcade Fire. In addition, each review shall use the title of the album as a launching point for the review and shall base the overall review on if, in fact, the album makes you like rock music. Importantly, if you choose to compare DYLRM? to their first album Decline of British Sea Power, than by all means, make sure you reduce the sound of the first album to the tracks Apologies to Insect Life and Favors in the Beetroot Fields and lament that BSP no longer sound like this on every song. Make sure to ignore the fact that their first album featured a host of styles.

Signed,

Evil Pizz"

I'm sure Evil Pizz let loose a number of cackles of glee on February 12th as the reviews followed the template to a T. (All but that rebellious, cagey, independent source of truth, allmusic.com who bedevils Evil Pizz). Anyway, you've all made one large mistake, and it was such a simple mistake...British Sea Power is using the term "rock music" to represent all things good and wholesome in the world. They even let everyone know that non-rock music includes things as varied as U2 and Mussolini. Thus, the thrust of the album can be found in the track No Lucifer where Hamilton (yes, rock critics, your sloppy reporting often refuses to acknowledge that both the Brothers Wilkinson man lead vocals) asks "Is this what the future holds/kevlar and cherrywood/malevolence or good?" The chorus lists a number of good things, such as bikes and animals.

Turns out that BSP mentions a little something about this song (and the video for the song).
"The song "No Lucifer" refers to the main theme of the whole album, the continual epic battle between Good & Evil (where in the album title, "rock music" symbolizes all that is good). This spirit is perhaps best demonstrated in the line, "Is that what the future holds? Malevolence or good?" The chant of "Easy, easy" commonly heard at British pro wrestling matches and football stadiums, is re-appropriated for an audience cheering & jeering the 1-on-1 match between Good & Evil.In the video, the actors portray a number of despots (I won't name them here, but look closely at their outfits) from the past and the present, symbolizing the constant effort of Evil, with their propaganda, pomp & grandeur, to lure the Good. People, puppets at the mercy of the movements of a hidden hand, are faced with a choice – Yes or No? As British Sea Power proudly proclaim, "Several Lucifers come, and we can beat them all"."

Seems pretty easy to do your research, doesn't it? The whole album is centered around the fight of good and evil, and cares nothing about Rock Music itself. The good expressed in this album often centers around nature themes, but on Waving Flags reaches out to promote immigration. Now, when's the last time an American band has come up with a coherent song about a policy topic? Oh wait, that's right, we don't like our bands doing that. We like our bands to comment on the social state of American teenagers (see the Hold Steady) or to lament, in excruciating detail, their emotional turmoil.

As for the comparison with Arcade Fire, this begins and ends with Waving Flags. It sounds loud and grandiose. Also, at the beginning of Lights out For Darker Skies, there's a bit of a swell. But these are men that stick to their own instruments. They play guitar, bass, and drums. They do it well. The guitar lines in a BSP song are not to be found in the Arcade Fire. The song structure are different. There is a rawer edge to BSP. Being loud does not equate with being busy. Arcade Fire can do their thing. They often do it very well. But BSP is not doing that thing, nor are they trying to imitate it.

I've spent too much time on your blatherings. I end my epistle and denouce you all.