Before, during, and after Michael Phelps's decimation of every world record, news organizations referred to Phelps as being perfectly genetically engineered to be a swimmer. He's tall, has an enormous wingspan, has huge hands and feet, has a long torso, etc. etc.
In completely related news, Christina has been trying to teach me how to swim over the last couple of weeks. On Saturday, we dropped the kids off with some friends so I could get a real swim lesson, what with Christina being a former lifeguard/swim team member/swim instructor. She's got these great stories of turning women who would scream at the sight of water to competent backstrokers/free-stylers.
After an hour of swim lessons, her conclusion was, "I've never seen anyone swim backward before when they are trying so hard to swim forward." Yes, after pushing off from the wall, the moment I start kicking I kill all momentum and slowly drift backward. Unbelievable.
That is when I realized something profound. I'm short. I have a wingspan that I'm pretty sure is shorter than my height. I have small hands and feet, and really stubby fingers and toes. I have a very dense core.
I am the anti-Phelps.
6 comments:
Well, you and your Aunt Ann. We are in the pool together 3 mornings a week and every time she drags out that kickboard and kicks off from the side, she proceeds forward a short while until she no longer proceeds and begins receeding. But the girl's got chutzpah. She's got chutzpah and a funny looking swim cap.
I'm thinking the arms need to work harder. Upper body strength, that's the ticket!
Oh, the arms are flailing away. And if the legs don't do anything, they drag me to the bottom of the pool. Let's see you swim when your body is in an L-shape.
As for the Aunt Anne discovery, I have often commented that a number of rotten genetic traits come from Soelberg/McKinstry side. Demented feet and toes, slim builds for men, premature gray hair, desires to work with the mob, pasty pasty burnable skin, etc. But at least Soelberg/McKinstrys are funny. To each other.
Think of yourself as a jet airplane: if you are not moving forward, you are falling....
Ugh, can the preachy rabbi stop dispensing advice? Oh crap I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying. How can this non swimming be possible? Until I remember how bikes bring tears to my eyes just looking at them, I hate them so badly. I guess all that's left for you is to jump in, pull your knees to your chest and hope you can float to the surface bum first.
But Doug, don't forget about all those lessons that Brother Browne used to give us back in the day. I seem to remember that I did exactly what Adrienne suggested and comparatively you swam only really poorly--not downright dishonorably. Ohhhh...those were the days (that I'm glad to see gone).
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