Thursday, January 15, 2009

The PG County Welcome Wagon Strikes Back

There's a song by the Dismemberment Plan called "You are Invited." In this song, the protaganist finds a mysterious envelope with a note inside that reads "You are invited for all time" which allows him to go to any event that requires an invitation. So, you can imagine how my indie heart leapt when I saw a note smushed into the driver's side of my car! Was I, too, going to be invited for all time? Uh, not quite...


First off, my one inconsiderate act (my back right wheel was on the line) has apparently made me an inconsiderate Person (yes, a capitalized Person, although the grammatical structure of the second sentence seems to imply that I am, in fact, Considerate Person). Second off, a vigilante parking patrol? I can't help but think that with a little modification, these notes would be infinitely more effective if they were to be distributed to muggers (change "parking" to "social" and "vehicle" to "manhood"). Third of all, for all the time this person has spent in creating these notes for public distribution, why didn't they have a spouse/lover/friend at least give it a good hard edit? Drives me crazy. Fourth, to quote Hobbes the tiger after Calvin receives a mean note in the mail, "Some people have secret admirers. You have a secret detractor." (An unfortunate continuing saga as can be documented in the anonymous crude writings scattered throughout my jr. high and high school yearbooks. It took me YEARS to figure out what those phrases meant.)

5 comments:

Unknown said...

Aha! Evidence of the Invisible and Spineless Moral Agent at work again....They will yet bring you to justice, you degenerate lowlife!

Unknown said...

That is, if they ever get up the nerve to talk to you face to face...

Adrienne said...

Doug, you are a magnet for weirdness. What the crap is THAT?! Does this Baltimore "good citizen" wear a cape and a Boot and run about sticking notes in cars?! I ask you? If this is do-gooding, then I say they should start singing the song "I've got tooo much time on my hands, I've got toooooo much time on my hands..."

upto12 said...

Classic. Just Classic. Yeah, capital-C, Classic.

Ryan said...

You know what you have to do don't you? Start parking with BOTH wheels over the line, or park horizontally so that you take up 2-3 spaces. That may just send them into a note distributing frenzy. But you will have left a rude note that corrects their poor grammar and informs them of how rude it is to leave rude notes for people telling them they are rude...